The End

And so, 4 years, 23 days later this lovely blog come to an end.

I've got a new one now, over on Tumblr

I just needed to make a new writing-ey start ^^

Hope you all had fun <3

Thanks for everything!!

Amy xxxxxx

15 things you only ever say whilst playing 'Tomb Raider II'

1) WHY WON'T YOU DO AS YOU'RE TOLD, YOU BIG TITTED BITCH??

2) She runs towards them when I tell her to jump sideways, and doesn't ever aim at the bastards. DOES SHE WANT TO DIE??

3) Oh SHIT, I've run out of flares and have no idea where I parked my boat.

4) I have over 400 Uzi clips, but no Uzi. What's the point?

5) It took 5 shotgun shots, the entirety of my automatics ammunition and a further minute of pistol shooting before the big guy in the opera house would go down. And he had A LOT of dogs.

6) Then they had the audacity to take my f**king grenade launcher from me.

7) ARGH Bad-Guy Scuba Diver! Bloody harpoon gun does sod all!

8) HE SHOT ME WITH A F**KING FLAME THROWER!! WHO DOES THAT??

9) I don't know where this shark's come from, but it's royally pissing me off.

10) I found a really easy way to defeat the Dragon!

11) My motto is constantly have your guns out, because you don't know when some burly f**ker is gonna come round the corner.

12) The Eagles always try to kill me.

13) The next bit's the bit with the yeti, yeah?

14) Nah, The Monks help kill the burly gun guys who break into the Monastery.

15) I already locked the Butler in the freezer

I'm fed up of reading 'Stars under pressure to lose more weight' or 'Dangers of weight loss; Revealed' on the front of magazines, then turning the pages and finding 'New diet will help you find a new you!' or 'Lose 4 stone in as many months!' waiting in the back. Its just an evil cycle of at first promoting the images of far-too-thin celebrities as glamorous, and then reporting on the sufferers of eating disorders, who've been inundated with ideas of how we're 'supposed to look'. Fuck it all; pay no attention to an idealised and impossible projection of who you should be, and concentrate on discovering who YOU want to be <3

Summer Anthem

If only we had the sunshine to accompany it. Silly English weather.

xXx

I'm a stupid cat

If Amy Victoria George was a Nation, this would be it's National Anthem

xXx

Catch up.

So, er... it's been a while. Wow, and I didn't even write anything on the last one, just put up loads of links to remix's of the Jurassic Park theme tune. That doesn't sound like something i would do at all, does it?

What have I been up to since Uni finished then, other than booty shakin' to J-Park rhymes? Wishing I was Beyonce enough to actually be able to shake my booty, for one. Did you see her at Glastonbury?? Gurl has got some SKILLZ. See, i booty bump and people call for help, believing they're witnessing a small white girl having what appears to be an epileptic fit. But Beyonce booty bumps, and people call for help coz the gurl's so damn hot they catch FIRE. I pretty much have been listening to 'Run the World' on repeat for the last 2 weeks. I'm listening to it now actually. See, I'm a multi-tasker; I don't let one thing that I'm doing interfere wi- WHO RUN THIS MUTHA? WHO RUN THIS MUTHA? - th anything else I may be involved with. GIRLZ.

I've also been looking for a job, but i'm not gonna go into detail with that one, for 3 reasons; 1) it is literally driving me insane trying to find one 2) the job centre have excelled themselves in terms of dickish, outlandish and generally idiotic behaviour and 3) i am in the process of applying for an absolutely incredible job which, if i got, could be the start of my whole career. and a superstitious laydee like myself would be a fool to run round telling everyone about it. so i won't.

one of the biggest things that I've had to come to terms with since coming back from Uni was not what I missed in Canterbury, but who was missing from my home. Upon arriving home Pandy informed me that a few days before my wonderful Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Millie had passed away. It wasn't a surprise; in fact as soon as Mum said 'We have some bad news' I simply said 'Millie' and began sobbing. She was old, somewhere between 19 and 22 years old, and she hadn't been well for a while. It still hits me pretty hard every day; we still have our two other cats, Charlie and Sully. But neither of them are lap cats, so I've been missing the furry cuddles she use to give me. I dabbled with the idea of doing a blog specifically dedicated to her, but i decided against it. This whole blog, and my Twitter feed for that matter, are an ode to her and her erratically fantastic behaviour. and to be honest, I wanna keep our own little world private. I know I often wear my heart on my sleeve, but it broke a little when she went, so you can forgive me for hiding it away for a while.

Another thing I've been doing of late is getting my sing-song on with a friend of mine named Sam; he's the guitarist and singer from my brother's band, Teenage Glory Days, and we've been doing some acousticey (not a word? it is now) 50s style music, which has been so much fun, and keeping me busy. have a look at the Teenage Glory Days Facebook Page, they've got a few gigs coming up this summer, and they put on an amazing show so don't miss out! Also, they're such legendary guys, they deserve all the likes they can get. Do IT! For me? (I almost put a winking smiley here but who am I kidding, I can't pull that off)

One other thing i've been doing to keep busy is volunteering at my local Cats Protection League Charity Shop! I work with a few people, 3 days a week, and i gotta say it's pretty awesome actually! It's incredibly rewarding, and keeps me from sitting at home in front of the TV becoming ridiculously obsessed with America's Next Top Model and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Hopefully I'm gonna get the opportunity to work with feral cats soon, which would be so INSANELY cool i wouldn't know what to do with myself!!!

well, I've run on enough for now. I promise I'll try to make more of an effort to write on here, people. And by people I mean anyone foolhardy enough to actually read my ramblings.

BYEEEEEEEEEE

xXx

Jurassic Party

I don't know why it's taken me so long to type the words 'Jurassic Park Theme Song Remix' into Google. I've literally never been this happy;

At least I now have a reason to get married; EPIC WEDDING SONGS FTW.

xXx

Job Centre

(I walk in, and wait for 10 minutes for someone to notice I'm stood there)

Bespectacled Lady: Oh! Hello! Sorry, didn't see you standing there, how can I help?

Me: Er, yeah, basically I er just finished University, and I'm looking to get a job, and I (mumbling) kindaneedtosignon.

Bespectacled Lady: Ah, Ok, so you've finished your first year of Uni-

Me: No, no, I'm er-

Bespectacled Lady: How old are you, around 18, yes?

Me: No, I've finished Uni, I'm 21

Bespectacled Lady: (looks me up and down) Really?

Me: Uh-huh.

Bespectacled Lady: Did you receive loans whilst you studied?

Me: Yep, but I don't get them anymore

Bespectacled Lady: You sure?

Me: Yeah, although believe me when I say I wouldn't object to some money right about n-

(Bespectacled Lady goes back to her desk, and picks up a slip of paper with numbers and websites on)

Bespectacled Lady: Right, so to sign on you need to phone this free number-

Me: Cool, do I need-

Bespectacled Lady: And for jobs, you look online here, ok?

Me: Oh, ok, but do I-

Bespectacled Lady: Good luck!! (walks away)

I floundered for about half a minute before stumbling out of the Job Centre, and retrieving my bike.

And thus begins my search for a job and life as (no longer a student) an unemployed bum.

xXx

Me and Matt did that thing again where we sing and play music

xXx

Bird Poo

So this morning I was out in my back garden, reading 'American Psycho' and watching the birds flit about as they always do, when one of the bastards decides to drop me a little present. That's right - I got pooed on by a bird.

Now, i got away with it quite well - it only hit my legs, which were leaning on a little wall, so there were no head-shots. Almost wrote 'head-shits' then, what a suitable freudian slip.

I've never been pooed on by a bird before, ever, so at first i though it was raining or something when a little drop splattered on my legs. last time I checked though, rain isn't yellow, so I figured it out soon enough. At first i just sat there swearing at the sky, but after cleaning myself up i remembered the old wives tale that being pooed on by a bird brings you good luck. I decided to make a note pf all the good luck I had today, and all the bad luck i had to day, and see if it held any truth.

Good Luck

- After 6 days of waiting, a DVD* I ordered finally turned up

- I went for a wander and discovered a (beautiful!) part of Canterbury I didn't even know existed, including a little farm with donkeys, goats, cheep and chickens!

- After getting back from the wander I watched 'Cherrybomb'* and simultaneously perved over Robert Sheehan AND Rupert Grint. Who's Northern Irish accent, btw, was THE TITS <--- technical term

- Stepped out in-front of a car on London Road and DIDN'T, by sheer miracle, get hit. Hats off to the breaks of that Volvo.

Bad Luck

- I tripped over on my wander and hurt my toe

- I decided to walk into town wearing no make-up, having not washed my hair that day and wearing a baggy top that made me look pregnant because 'It's not like I'm gonna bump into anyone' and bumped into Sexy Starbucks Guy.

- The reason I went into town was to buy hair dye (hence the unwashed hair) and they didn't have any

- I burnt my middle finger really badly, and all under my nail.

From the day's events I have come to this conclusion;

When a bird shits on you your day runs the exact same course that it would have done had the bird not shit on you, except that more people say the words 'Ah, but it brings good luck!!' to you, and you find yourself cursing birds under your breath whilst washing their poo off of your legs.

xXx

Definition of Cute:

xxx

bra wonders

Today was Connie's last exam. as a result, she and I ended up getting very, very, very drunk indeed. to be honest, i am still fairly under the inlfuence whilst writitng this, but it was too much for a tweet.

can i just say, any spelling mistakes are entirely my own; the fact that this is even legible is purely down to the heavy responsibility of spell check. beliebe me when i say i am FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

so basically, me and con left the venue at around 00@40am and decided to get a burger. after getting the burger, we decided to climb a tree. there are sevvral along eliot footpath and so we chose the one with the best anchorage, and hauled our arses up there.

desperate for a picture, i called out to a couple of girls walking along. i asked if they would take a picture and they said NO but then a guy, who was chasing after them said 'how'd you get up there' and then after taking our picture

he climbed up into the tree with us. the guy's names was Alex, and he was escaping his nagging girlfriend, elsie, who wanted him to walk her friend naiomi home. he told us he was fed up of it, and told elsie he was 'gonna stay in the tree, where he's free'.

after about 15 minutes some of alex's friends came along and dragged him out of the tree. me and connie agreed we should leaf (GET IT) too, and so departed from the tree. i said i had to be careful because my camera was in my hand, and if i lost it i would be dead.

We both got out of the tree. and i felt for my camera. it wasn't there. I asked connie if she remembered me giving it to her so i could be careful and she said no. we then spent the next 20 minutes or so searching up the tree, around the tree and asking various people if they knew where my camera was.

Connie came to conclusion alex or one of his friends had stolen it. I started to cry, because the camera was very expensive, and had been a 21st birthday present from my University friends and so meant a great deal to me. i sat down and started to sob, before connie said 'retrace your steps; what did you do before you came down?'

I said: 'well, i said i was worried about breaking my camera when climbing down the tree, and then i had an idea, so i-' and i gasped. i looked down at my top half, reached into my bra, and pulled out my camera.

i had put it in there for safety whilst climbing down the tree. connie could not stop laughing, and neither could i.

and thus ends the day, I found my lost camera in my bra.

seriously, im so drunk u cant even remembeer writing a lot of that. god bless you spellcheck.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I want this more than I want Rupert Grint

Normally I don't offer my body as trade, but in this case I'd be willing to make an exception;

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/JURASSIC-PARK-Jeep-YJ-Sahara-MOIVE-PROP-REPLICA-/280681882660?pt=US_Cars_Trucks&hash=item4159f1a424

xXx

Mother Monster

How could i have ever doubted her?

One of the most beautiful, inspiring and talented women i have ever seen, or heard, or been inspired by.



I wrote this poem below after listening to 'Bad Romance'. The title is my homage to what surely must be one of the greatest pop songs ever recorded!

Je Veux Ton Revenge

Apologise now. And Mean it.
(I don’t say things I don’t mean)
And so, you’ve handed me the shining, treacherous keys,
(That reflect the glisten of grief in my eyes; this is how you say sorry? Jesus...)
To whatever soft top, faster-than-fuck coupe
I feel like driving off a cliff today.
‘Thank you’, turning fast and walk so that it
Makes me move the way
The way I know you
Like it too
(This’ll make him sorry)
Left to right, I feel the muscles up and down my back,
Working to maximum effect,
Leaving me feeling heavy and hung,
Leaving you gasping, eyes rolling, tongue lolling and your head light.
(I am Pavlov, you are DOG)
I follow your eyes from the back of my head to the crease just above the rise of my jeans,
And your hand reaches down as I move,
swiftly like a cat does to evade the stroke of a stranger,
To avoid your finger tips:
‘Not yet-
Leave me alone to mope for a while.
I promise I’ll come (back for you) with a dazzling smile.’

-----
I think what I love the most is you can tell how much she appreciates what she has, and when she writes and sings it really seems to be for her fans. Just... wow.

Luvvie gushing over.

xXx

Size (Never) Matters

There has never been a time in my life where I have been 'slim'. When I was younger I was a lot bigger than most of the other girls around me, and believe me when I say they let me know about it. But when I reached 14 I started playing more sports (rounders FTW), and puberty took it's course, and I lost a couple of stone and went down from a, at my age and height simply obese, size 18 to a more manageable size 14. Since then, I have always been that size; I am 5'2" and size 14. That is my size.

I have tried very hard in the past to lose weight. I mean, really hard. Diets, excessive exercise. There was a period of time I am ashamed to admit where I avoided eating altogether. And do you know what happened? Nothing. I lost no weight. My legs became slightly more toned, but my tummy and thighs still wobbled as much as they used to. My fitness levels were brilliant, but my body did not change.

I came to this simple conclusion; In the same way that many slim people can eat whatever they wish and not gain a pound, I can exercise and diet as much as I wish, and I will not lose a pound. It would be very easy to complain about this, hate myself and avoid mirrors and wearing wonderful clothes that show off my body shape. But I choose not to; I choose to accept who I am, and the shape I am. I love me as much as I can without dallying into arrogance, and I wear clothes that make the most of my shape. I don't shy away from showing myself and my personality off. I used to; I'm not gonna lie, there are still moments where I cannot stand my body (to be honest, If it were up to me I would be a size 12). But as my efforts have shown, it really isn't up to me!

I read a newspaper article today, that spoke of how less and less women feel it's necessary to tone up for the summer, because we have become lazy. It upset me, because I still try very hard to keep my fitness levels up, but I'm not what most people would consider 'toned up for summer'. I've recently taken up biking, and average out about 10 miles a day, and I'm probably fitter than some of the naturally slim people I know! I can imagine this is the case for a lot of women, for whom a lot of pressure is placed to be labelled 'toned for summer', but because we are not slim, does not mean we are lazy. How is 10 miles a day on a bike lazy? I'm not trying to tone up for summer, and I feel it's horrific that because a certain time of the year has come around suddenly we have to be picturesque statues walking around in bikinis. Some women simply don't have the choice, but the fact is we shouldn't be made to choose in the first place. There should be no expectations of appearance.

I long for a society where the mantra can be 'as long as you're happy'. This doesn't just apply to weight, but all issues of superficiality. Of course, in cases where a person's situation is detrimental to their health then something should be done. But, the fact remains that 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'; no truer words have ever been spoken. People should stop trying to determine what should and should not be considered beautiful, and just let people be. At 5'2" and size 14, I am technically unfit and overweight and therefore by some considered ugly. But I'm not unfit; most days I don't consider myself to be ugly;I'm certainly not unhappy. I just am.

I would rather spend my time enjoying life than spending time wishing I was different. My friends and family think I am beautiful no matter what. My parents have always told us that the only things that matters is how happy we are. And there's no question of my happiness.

And that's just it; It is in the company of a happy soul that a person can experience real beauty. Not in the words or eyes of a person who knows nothing about you other than your dress size.

xXx

Should celebrities be able to cover the tracks of their immoral behaviour?

ON April 19th 2011, a ‘Celebrity’ of high standing who had an illicit affair with a colleague, was awarded the right to remain anonymous in fear that if discovered his actions would result in an adverse affect upon his wife, children and family. The colleague was told that she ‘owed a duty of confidence’ to this male celebrity involved. On April 20th 2011 a high-profile Television Presenter was granted a high court conjunction, suppressing the revelation of a set of intimate photos taken of him and a woman, again for fear of damaging the health of his family, his loved ones and himself.

The woman with whom the married celebrity had an affair was told by a judge that she ‘owed a duty of confidence’ to the man involved. But how about if we consider the ‘duty of marriage and fidelity’ the man owes to his wife? By embarking on an affair with this woman, he has compromised the relationship he had his wife had created, and the vows they had made on their wedding day. Or shall we say, the ‘duties’ as a husband that he held. Surely he must be condemned for not having considered this before beginning the affair?
In the case of the ‘Celebrity Affair’, the issue that judges were considering was the welfare and health of the children involved. But if the male celebrity, now expressing his concern as to the happiness of his children, had been truly concerned about the welfare of those children then why did he choose to have an affair in the first place? By doing so, he was compromising not only his marriage, but the relationship he has with his wife and therefore the sanctity of his relationship with his children, and their happiness. He was, by the act of having an affair, endangering the welfare and health of his children already.

The fact that people with money public figures can now pay off restrict how much information about their illicit behaviour is revealed to the public is quite frankly disturbing. But what disgusts me most is the facade reasoning that it is all in the name of keeping loved ones safe. The men and women who opt to behave in such a way that they know will damage the ones they love cannot then use the excuse of these loved ones to protect their own backs. It is all about image; the Television Presenter who has been allowed to ‘gag’ the images of himself being intimate with a woman is known publicly to behave respectfully towards women, and these images will damage their reputation and career. But they obviously don’t respect women, nor do they mind lying to their loved ones about their real characteristics, and who they truly are. Again, if that are so concerned about the reactions of the people they love, why put themselves into a situation where that reaction can only be inevitable?

Whilst it is horrible for a family/loved ones to have to discover such illicit behaviour so publicly, these men or women can now get away with the act of infidelity. They can continue to violate the trust and love held that can be found between families and relationships, and due to the amount in their pockets success of their name be free from guilt and the sadness that comes from knowing you have let yourself and your family down. Never again will a famous person have to adhere to the basic principles of human behaviour; because now the laws normally reserved for child killers now also defend the cheating celebrity.

Principally, we have travelled back in time; throughout history men of power and position, Kings, Noblemen and members of high court, were allowed affairs, and their illicit secrets hidden from the public. By allowing now members of the ‘fame and fortune’ society to behave in the same manner, with the same level of secret surrounding their actions, we have made it socially acceptable to cheat on your husband or wife, and compromise your family. I wonder how much longer it will be before it is publicly expected and socially accepted for a man to be sleeping with a woman who is not his wife?

xXx

Spiderman VS Ghosts

Eli: You be a ghost and I'll be Spiderman and kill you!!
Me: Why Spiderman?
Eli: Spiderman is the only one who can fight ghosts, Auntie Amy!
Me:What about the Ghostbusters?
Eli:Who?
Me:I forget that you still have that to come, Eli. And Jurassic Park...I envy you.
Eli: WEB ATTACK!!

xXx

future

University is almost over *sigh* but with this comes some awesome times ahead. Adulthood beckons, and the real world sits and waits for us to whole-heartedly throw ourselves head-first into whatever profession we dream of having (after we've finished being on the dole and working in Tesco).

But there is one thing I am more excited about than anything else. All my plans to work for half a year, then travel to New Zealand for a few months, then come back and move as close to London as is feasibly possible and get a job whilst writing my socks off, the chances of making it as writer, being successful, winning BAFTAs, Academy Awards. There is one thing MORE exciting than any of the above;

When I move into my own place, I WILL BE ABLE TO GET MY OWN KITTENS.

and that, my friends, is what they call AWESOME

xXx

That Bieber effect

Me: ARGH I've got that stupid 'I want Candy' song in my head
Emma: I've still got fucking Justin Bieber in my head from where you and Jack were singing it earlier
Me: Maybe if we put some different music on, we won't have them stuck anymore. *clicks spotify on her desktop* Fancy anything in particular?
Emma: ANYTHING but Bieber
Me: *sly smile creeps on face* Wait, you DON'T want to listen to Bieber?
Emma: Do NOT put Justin Bieber on!!
Amy: I won-
Emma: AMY!! DO NOT PUT JUSTIN BIEBER ON!!
Amy: *trying not to laugh* Fine, fine!! I'll just choose something different.
Emma: Amy...
Amy: I WON'T, ALRIGHT??
Emma: Good.
Amy: So what do you wanna listen to?
Emma: Anything.
Amy: Anything, yeah?
Emma: Yep.
Amy: I know, EXACTLY what to put on *clicks button*
Laptop: *guitar chord* WOAH-OOH-WOAH-AH WOAH OH OH *guitar chord*
Emma: NOOOOOOOOO!
Amy: MWAH HA HA HA HA!!
Emma; when I first hear it I cringe, but then the music starts up and I LOVE IT! IT'S SO WRONG BUT IT FEELS SO RIGHT!!
Amy: That's the power of the Biebs.

xXx

When we went to ZSL London Zoo, we saw animals

It was AWESOME.

xXx

A Supergroup for the 21st Century

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

I can see them being the biggest thing since time began. SOMEONE WRITE THESE GUYS A SONG, AND SOON.
xXx

So, I went to London Zoo yesterday

This happened;

Yep. That's my life complete now.
<3

xXx

That time of the month

The last week has been...peculiar. My mood has fallen from it's peak to it's lowest ebb, only to crawl back up before once more crashing in a fiery blaze. I've experienced euphoria, depression, excitement, boredom, both self-respect and self-effacing. Basically it's been one shitty roller coaster ride after another and I didn't have a clue why.

At first I thought it was stress. I haven't been sleeping well either, had had some particularly crazy dreams, and my skin has turned into something you'd be more likely to find on a lizard than a 21 year old woman. I've also gotten loads of spots, which (I'm not bragging by any means when i say this by the way) I don't usually suffer from and a cold sore has magically appeared on my lip as if from nowhere.

I've spent most of today either crying or moping, feeling inexplicable exhausted, drained, headachey and generally like shit. Self-Conscious does not even BEGIN to describe my current state; a strange and mild case of agoraphobia has kept me house bound, and right now i would be very happy if no one from the outside world ever saw me again.

After finishing the two-hour marathon of '4 in a bed' on Channel 4, i sat with my notepad in front of me, trying to figure out something to write, and failed dismally. Writer's block is not uncommon with me; my creative ability is a temperamental bastard. However, I always get the job done eventually, so i don't usually worry too much if i can't write at a specific time. But this time? This time i got frustrated and just ended up crying for about 20 minutes straight. Imagine the scene; several cups of tea lay around me, and i'm tucked up on my sofa in pyjama bottoms, a baggy blue t-shirt of my dad's that Ma accidentally put in my suitcase and entombed in a massive pink blanket, sobbing heartily, with a notepad covered in pictures of muffins with cute faces open to an almost blank page with 'I CAN'T WRITE ANYTHING BECAUSE I SUCK' scrawled over-dramatically in the middle of it. That, my friends, is me.

I've been trying to think about why all this could be happening. yes, i'm stressed but i've had more things on my mind than this before and been fine. Yes, I have a lot of work to do, but I've had far more work and far less time to do it and been better than this before. So what on earth could the problem be?

then it hit me. I scrambled for my phone, lost in the pink blanketness of my situation, and looked at my calendar. Yep, there it was, in pixelated colours of blue and white; My period is due.

At this point in time the guys who read my blog are going to recoil in horror and probably declare 'ARGH TMI, AMY' and then run away from their screens. Alex has told me before that whenever i mention i'm due on he always gets the bloody door scene from 'The Shining' come into his head.

But i find this majorly annoying.

The female menstrual cycle isn't the most delicate of situations, I'll admit. and no, it's not the most delightful thing to think about. but that's all men have to do; THINK about it. If men actually had to endure the genuine agony of a menstrual cycle, i wonder if things would be different?

Women are claimed to be weaker than men. We are told than we aren't physically as strong as them, and then they are just in general, braver and stronger than women are. But hang on a second; if you actually took some time to understand the severity of the physical process and the effects that going through menstruation actually involves, and then consider that this happens once a month, every month, for the majority of a woman's life, then i'm sure we'd realise women's bodies are a hell of a lot tougher than most people think. The process of childbirth alone puts the greatest amount of strain a human body can probably ever experience, and yet some women go through this process over and over and over again. And yet men's bodies can't, and don't experience any kind of stress even close to the act of carrying a child and then giving birth to it.And yet they're stronger? Men can certainly life heavier weights than women, yeah. But as for saying they can work longer hours or deal with more stressful situations...a woman grows and carries another human being inside of her for nine months. it's not a part-time job, and it's not one where you get breaks. It's constant, and takes endurance and stamina and bravery that i doubt most men could deal with.

All of the problems i've experienced and listed at the top of this page, are all as a result of my time of the month being due. So those things happen to me every month. I'm not ashamed of talking about it, and i don't think any woman should be; sure, some people are gonna think this is too much information, but it's a part of mine and mostly every other woman's life, and it shouldn't be seen as something embarrassing or something to be judged by. We experience a massive physical event that changes our bodies dramatically, and that takes its toll. So no, i'm not embarrassed by it. I embrace it, and swear about it, and bitch and moan to my friends or on Twitter about it. But i still deal with it.

This blog is not me having a go at men; not in the slightest. I am very blessed that most of the men in my life do not believe that their sex makes them better than me, or any other female. But there is no man in my life that doesn't recoil at the sheer mention of a period. I'm simply asking that the next time you freak out about it, and go on about how gross it is, consider how that might be making the woman feel, that you're addressing. No, (hopefully) you're not directly labelling her as gross; but she will be in an emotionally fragile position wherein that is already how she will feel about herself. So try to be more understanding and accommodating.

And the next time you consider yourself to be stronger than a woman, think twice; because whilst you're ogling at a woman for her breasts, bum, hips and face and considering her to be a dainty figure that needs protection, you must also remember there is a lot more to the female body than that which meets your eye.

xXx

How to make a Victoria Spongecake

I made a Victoria Spongecake :D



xXx

Japan

Incase some of you don't know what's happening, here's a video to help fill you guys in



And here's an article: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/03/11/japan-earthquake-tsunami_n_834380.html

You can donate to Red Cross Aid Here: http://www.redcross.org.uk/Donate-Now/Make-a-single-donation/Disaster-Fund

the reason i'm writing this blog is that I can't afford to donate- but i'm hoping maybe by posting this someone who's unaware of either what's happened, or that there's somewhere you can donate money will realise and do so.

My thoughts go out to those, and the families and friends of those, affected.

xXx

In which Amy reads Empire Magazine instead of doing work

xXx

Happiness

The last three weeks have been blissful. I cannot remember the last time i felt this happy, and had so much love and appreciation for my life as it is.

And yet there is a slight feeling holding me back; I purposefully stop myself from getting too excited at the prospect of new opportunities and experiences, and have actively avoided telling people how happy I am.

You see, I have this really weird superstition which means I believe if I get excited about something, or am made happy by something, and then I begin talking about it to people, then that will jinx it, and from there on in it wont be amazing anymore, and nothing will work out the way I had hoped it will.

I know that this kind of reluctance to share is as stupid as the guilt I feel if I stay in bed past 10:30am. If I find myself still lying down at 10:30am I am wracked with guilt for the rest of the day, and push myself to do more things to make up for my laziness. Even though, really, I know it's not lazy; I'm a 21 year old student who has the opportunity to stay in bed 5 days a week for as long as she wants to. and that that kind of freedom is not going to last much longer- when I finish uni and finally get a job I won't be able to stay in bed for as long as i like. So in the same way I know it's stupid not to take advantage of my situation every morning, I know it's stupid to not want to tell people i'm happy when that's all I am.

The thing is, the last few months of Uni have been rough. And if you'd told me a month ago how ludicrously happy I would eventually feel then I probably would've laughed in your face! So I wanted to write this so that I cant hide behind my silly superstitions anymore;

I'm a very, very, very happy girl at the moment. I love my friends, I love my uni work, I love my Uni life, I love my home life, I love my family and I'm finally getting on with myself a bit better than I have been of late. And I know that by admitting happiness, I am not ridding myself of the right to be happy.

I know there are people out there who have been worried about me, and that they will read this and feel more content. That's not me being big headed- that's just my friends and family being so amazing that they care about me that much.

I don't really know what I was ever afraid of. Being 21 suits me just fine right now.

:)

xXx

matt, amy and emma have practice

xXx

Video Blog!

It's weird seeing myself on Youtube. Enjoy.

21

I'm writing this on the eve of my 21st Birthday. I figured since it's a milestone I should write an awesome blog which is really reflective, deep and meaningful; philisophical phillosophical philosophical, even. A blog which demonstrates just how far my writing has come, and how paying over £3000 for higher education is really worth it. But then I had to double check how to spell 'philosophical' so I gave up on that last one.

Had the thirteen year old me known about myself what the almost-twenty-one year old me now does I wouldn't have worried half as much. When I started to think about it more, I wondered what I would actually say to thirteen year old me, as I'm just about to start high school. If there were ten things I could say, what would those ten things be?

Amy's Guide to Amy
1) Don't let mum & dad persuade you that a bowl-cut style fringe will neither be ridiculed nor look ridiculous. they are liars.
2) Don't take Chemistry at AS Level; your teacher will tell you there's little-to-no maths involved, and she too will be lying. You will want to cry after every lesson and will end up with an E grade.
3) Don't fall for that guy in your first ever physics lesson. Unless you want the next 5 years to be a mixture of confusing, frustrating and generally wasted.
4) If someone tells you you're fat, tell them to fuck off. I know at this age you hate swearing, but believe me, that won't last much longer either. You're gorgeous; ignore them.
5) In Sixth Form, when you and Joe C think it's a really funny idea to put the bins in E8 on your head and run towards each other playing 'Bin Wars', with Jack filming it, DON'T DO IT. At the last minute Joe ducks and your headache begins when you smash to the ground and doesn't end until half-way through the next day.
6) Old habits die hard- but try to not worry what other people think. Cos you do, WAY to much.
7) When you and Jack G decided to play with that drill in your Resistant Materials lesson, make sure Jack G stands further away from you so that he doesn't get hit by that flying plank of wood. Also- when the guy with the shaved eyebrow points a staple gun at you, don't say "You wouldn't dare!", because he would, sweetie; The staple gun held in his hand as a weapon should be enough to tell you that anyway.
8) When walking away from the computer room in F corridor, don't think it hilarious to flick Gavin M and Jack G the V sign- Mr Edwards will catch you, and he will shout in your face so loudly that you will run back to A2 whilst trying desperately not to cry, and be slightly terrified of him from that moment onwards.
9) Using the epic song 'I'm Your Man' by Wham! in your (later victorious) Head Girl speech will go down a treat.
10) Some people are going to be a lot harder to let go of than others, but it's all neccessary. The weight falling off your shoulders feels incredible, and makes you realise how much you were being held back by the people you thought cared for you.

When I was writing that I started thinking 'Wait, they're all school related' but between the ages of like 10-18 everything IS school related. Well, it was for me. Now everything's Uni related, and in a few months time it'll be OH GOD THEY'VE PULLED THE SOFT CUSHION OF EDUCATION FROM UNDERNEATH ME WHAT IN THE NAME OF WHAT DO I DO NOW?? related. Then in about 5 years time it'll be Oh, hello BAFTA award related and in 10 Oh HEYY Academy Award for Best Original Screenplay related. mebbe. :)

I've achieved a lot of the things I'd wanted to by the time I was 21. And I think it's pretty cool that I know what I want to do with my life. It's just the idea of officially being an adult and expected to go out and do those things to the best of your ability and achieve YOUR LIFE'S GOAL is quite daunting. Because for me I feel like this is it, now; I have to start living my life. The things I want I now have to achieve; I want to become a writer so I have to become a writer; I want to live in London so I have to find a way to move to, and stay in, London; I want to marry Joseph Gordon-Levitt, so I have to meet and find a way to enthrall* Joseph Gordon-Levitt (*read kidnap). The fact is, growing up is suddenly a phrase that holds more meaning to it. I am officially an adult, and as such my life is my own; as are my successes, my mistakes, my responsibilties and my goals. There's no one else to fall back on, I am actually growing up. It's scary.

When you grow up, do you have to stop randomly making cat noises?
...What do you mean that it's not socially acceptable at any age?
WELL NOBODY TOLD ME.

xXx

Why my degree will mean sod all when I've finished it

A quote from a piece of text given to us by our Modernism seminar leader. The text is written by Martin Heidigger and is entitled 'Poetry, Language, Thought'.

This extract is taken from the chapter, 'Thing and Work'

"What in truth is the thing, so far as it is a thing? When we inquire in this way, our aim is to come to know the thing-being (thingness) of the thing. The point is to discover the thingly chracter of the thing. To this end we have to be aquainted with the sphere to which all those entitites belong which we have long called by the name of thing."

...
Yeah. Me Neither.
xXx

Distracted

Me: Emma, why can't I talk like a normal person?
Emma: Because you're Amy.
Me: AH! I seeee....Is that a good enough excuse though?
Emma: More specifically, you're Amy George
Me:...I- I just feel like other people couldn't get away with it. I mean obviously they're not me, so I suppose that would make sense, but- OH SHIT I put something in the oven and completely forgot about it!!!
*runs frantically downstairs*
Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! it's burnt!!! OH WHYYYYY???WHYYYYYYY?

xXx

The Lion King (of my heart)

One of the greatest moments in cinema; One of the finest songs in the world; Rowan Atkinson voicing a toucan AND it has cartoon lion cubs riding on the back of ostriches. What MORE could you want?

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

xXx

LOUD NOISES

There was just a sound outside that very much resembled the sound of a Spaceship or something. like a 'wer-wer-wer-wer-WUM-WUM-WUM-werwerwer' sound. Yeah, that makes sense.

Tonight has been a night of strange sounds, actually. whilst doing the washing up, my sink tried to swallow my kitchen in it's entirety with an almighty 'SLURP'. I got kinda freaked out because of how loud it was, pulled my arms back quickly and accidentally knocked a mug off of the side. Sigh. Poor mug. R.I.P.

Then the washing machine made a noise that suggested at any moment Leonardo DiCaprio would waltz in with Ellen Page, Tom Hardy and (my future husband) Joseph Gordon-Levitt to talk to me about dreams. This was especially weird seeing as the washing machine wasn't even on at the time.

I took out the rubbish and when I closed the bin lid it sounded like a gunshot. I then went back to my front door mimicking gun shots with my hands in the shape of pistols and walking like a cowboy. Luckily it was dark, so no one saw; but I had put on the first shoes I could get hold of, which just happened to be my purple stilettos which are actually too big for me, and I was wearing baggy pyjama bottoms, so I'm sure if anyone did see me they would've thought I looked super cool.

Whilst I was in the bathroom I heard my neighbours having sex. Me and Emma always hear our neighbours; the walls between these houses are made out of what's commonly referred to as 'tracing paper', and our neighbours are very loud; whenever they open/close their front door door it sounds like someone opening/closing our front door. Then there was that EPIC moment when I was peeing and the guy who's bedroom is adjacent to our bathroom started playing the Mortal Kombat theme tune. I can't complain about that, really, though, because it was made of wow. But yeah, I was brushing my teeth and heard the tell-tale 'ohhhh' of a fella getting SOME. At first I was like 'Wait, I can't hear anyone else, EWW what if I'm accidentally listening to him making out with Mrs right?' but then the lady started up and I felt like less of a pervert. I don't know why in my head it was better to hear the sex noises of two people rather than just one. Probably because getting laid is cooler than giving yourself a friendly wave.

xXx

I'm still a bit 'meh', blogger

xXx

It is only really within the last year that I have become fully comfortable with both my body and appearance; and even now, my close friends will tell you that I occasionally still berate them with questions of 'Do I look ok?' 'Is my face too round?' 'Do my glasses make me look like a loser?' 'Do I look pregnant today? I feel like I look pregnant today' until they snap and tell me to shut the hell up. Every woman – and, let's face it, man- has insecurities that will inevitably plague them throughout their lives; whether they be those of a physical or psychological nature, they do exist. There is no such thing as a person who is 100% happy with they way they look.

However, there are people who are comfortable enough with the way they look; so much so that they do not allow how they look to become the be-all and end-all of their lives. Despite sometimes falling at the hurdle, I do now believe I fit into this category. I've always been a girl with more to her than most- ever since I was little. There are some insanely cute pictures of me that would make even the burliest of characters coo and aww, and my rounded features are to blame; I think they are also probably the main reason as to why most people who don't know me find it hard to believe I'm almost 21. That and my [lack of] height.

When I was younger, I was bullied for my size, and I always knew I was big- my younger sister has always been very slim, but I couldn't understand why she was so different to me; we ate the same things, in the same amounts, and exercised the same amount too. So why was she slim whilst I was tubby?? I tried everything; watching what I ate, doing more exercise. In the end I started skipping meals altogether. And my size never changed. Then University happened; and I realised that the reason me and my sister are different sizes was just that; We ARE different. There was nothing I could do to change my body size, so why spend so much time worrying about the fact that I am how I am? So I decided to stop doing so, and from that point on I have been very happy.

My body type is such that I am curvy, but also rounded. I'm not afraid to share that I'm a size 14-16, and my weight is somewhere around 150 pounds. I wear leggings because I find them more comfortable, and I hate to wear jeans. This is also because whenever I try jeans on, this happens; in New Look I'm a size 16; in Topshop I'm 14; in River Island I'm 16 and in H&M I'm a size 20. Which- btw- they don't stock. So I stick with leggings, where I'm always a size 14. Much less hassle. When it comes to buying dresses or tops btw, my size differentiates between 12- 20 in those high street shops, too. But unless I walked around topless, there's no real way I can get around that one.

I'm sharing this information with you because I feel I need to give myself a little bit of a slap. Of late, I have started, once again to worry and worry and worry about my weight. I have started to wear tops that I know are loose fitting, and ensure outfits I wear out are comfortable to the point of casual. I contemplate not eating something because I know that I'm not really supposed to- a chocolate bar, for instance, or a packet of crisps. If I do eat these things I then suffer from immense feelings of guilt, and spend the next day forcing myself to walk everywhere and anywhere, in a desperate attempt to make up for my 'gluttony'. I even heard myself asking for non-fat milk in Starbucks the other day- I swear I didn't even know that was actual a thing that existed.

Today I had a McDonalds for dinner, because I had to leave straight from work (last day boo) at 5 to go onto campus, and didn't have time to go home and cook. I'd been working from 11 and was absolutely starving, so rushed in, ate and then got to campus. Since then I have been feeling nothing but guilt. Half an hour ago I was sat in my kitchen, and my stomach rumbled. My mind instantly started telling me how horrible and disgusting I was, for being hungry yet again, and I felt awful. My head started going through the motions of what I would do tomorrow in order to make up for my gluttony of today, and that's when I realised I was crying; I had convinced myself in my head that I was a bad person for eating what I wanted, so much so that I had started to cry. I ran up to my room, picked up my laptop and started typing. And what you're reading is the result of a very confused and upset Amy.

Whilst I'd like to say that I don't know what has brought on all of this old behaviour, I would also be lying. To say that my self-esteem has plummeted in the last month or so would be the understatement of the century, and it can all be related back to one thing which so many people will tell me I'm being silly about; I am still single. I have had one boyfriend, (when I was 16, for a month) and since then...nothing. It wouldn't be so bad, were it not for the fact that the people who are around me all of the time – both at University and at home- have got someone. All of my siblings are in long-term relationships, and all of my close uni friends are either in relationships or seeing someone. This time of year is especially bad, seeing as relationship status is the chosen topic of the month of February, but all in all I just feel a little lonely sometimes. This might strike some people as being desperately sad, but I'm only being honest. And the truth is that it is affecting how I feel about myself and the way I look; It's quite scary, really, that something so trivial can do such a thing. But I suppose then again it's the little things in life that bug us the most...Worrying too much about what other people think is something that has always been a problem for me.

I'm sure I'll be alright soon enough; I know that deep down I am the way I am and that I'm comfortable with it. I'll get back to my old ways of really not giving a fuck what other people think of how I look. But for now I think I'll climb into my baggy Top Gun hoodie, listen to Paolo Nutini, cuddle up with Orange Ted and wait for all this to blow over

xXx

Greatest Tumblr ever

Google may shoot me for promoting tumblr whilst using blogger. But this? This needs,THIS NEEDS TO BE SHARED

http://tomhanksimals.tumblr.com/

You're welcome

xXx

The Job

16:33
The first time I was fired was today. Approximately just under two hours ago. They made it seem, on the surface, really pretty. Instead of 'fired' the term they chose to use was 'letting me go'. It was as if they were trying to create some sense of freedom that came hand in hand with my new found unemployment. I suppose that's all part of the mantra though, isn't it? The idea of nothing ever being negative, ever. Even if it is your only source of reliable income.

It was all done very 'nicely'; like a small performance put on for all the departments on the shop floor. My manager came in, told me 'well done' for having beaten our Sunday target of £400 by selling well over £500 worth of stuff, and waited until the shop floor was clear of customers before declaring the ever-ominous 'I have some bad news'. She explained I'd upset the people upstairs, and that people on the shop floor were unhappy. Seems funny that today I was told by customers on four separate occasions that I was a wonderful young woman, with a delightful manner and smile. I'd be told thank you around 20 times. It was only three O'Clock in the afternoon. But, of course, the customer is always right. And that's why I was being fired; because the customers loved me, but the shop assistants didn't.

Bitter? Maybe. Maybe this does reek of bitterness. But, to be honest, I was fired for the first time ever only two hours ago. You're all lucky this page doesn't just read; 'FUCKING C**T OFF'

xxx

Options

15:54 pm
Ok, so I've gotten myself into a truly horrific and awkward situation, from which there is no feasible way of sparing what little dignity I have. This- this needs a back story.

BACKSTORY
Last term a friend had a Birthday Thing. At said Birthday Thing I was introduced to a guy who (and I'm not being an egotistical prat when I say this) obviously was into me, and very quickly began chatting me up. I was not interested. I could not, actually, have been less interested if I had tried. This isn't anything against the guy- just because I didn't find him attractive doesn't mean that other people wouldn't. But he was the polar opposite to what I generally find attractive in a man. I felt bad- he was really trying. Maybe a little too hard, mind; I hardly got a word in edgeways. Also, in flat shoes I am 5'2". This guy was shorter than me, and considerably older. I think it's hugely hilarious on the part of the universe that the only man to have found me attractive in over a year turns out to be shorter than me. Wonderful. In the end, I managed to quickly and successfully evade his company by going to the bar. And that was that.

Oh Universe. You're so hilarious, aren't you? 'Cos guess what, folks? I'm currently experiencing what the french call 'Le most fucking embarrassing moment of my life ever'. I was holed up in Rutherford bar on campus, trying my hardest to get through Nicola Barker's "five miles from outer hope". Due to hunger, I was forced to move from my humble abode- My tummy had the rumblies only an overpriced sandwich from the campus shop could suffice. I decided to take advantage of this change of scenery, however, and head towards the library cafe for a quick coffee, before heading to the silent section on the third floor.

When I got into the library, I bumped, literally, into the Birthday Thing guy, consequently dropping both books and sandwich. Hastily picking them up, Birthday Thing guy took the opportunity to begin berating me with so many questions I felt as if I should've had a bright light shone into my eyes. After dutifully answering all of them with as little wording as possible, I felt rude not to enquire as to his own well-being. About 20 minutes later he finally stopped talking. Then the following exchange, during which my ability at digging myself into a hole was at it's peak, took place;

BTG (Birthday Thing Guy): So, what you doing now?
Me: Er, just eating my sandwich, then-
BTG: Well, if you're taking a break you should sit with me-
Me: Er, I'm not actually taking a break, I'm just-
BTG: (completely ignoring me) Yeah, I'm just set up over there *points to various seats*, so just go sit down and I'll-
Me: Well, actually I-
BTG: Be back in a mo- I just have to make toilet

Yep. He actually said that.
'I just have to make toilet'
Leaving me completely baffled, he strode off towards the men's loos. I, now utterly confused, walked into the library seating area, and glanced over at the direction in which he had pointed. I had two choices; I could either A) be the world's biggest bitch and flee from the library itself, never to appear again, OR I could B) go and sit with him and be trapped there indefinitely. I, however, chose the invisible and unclear option of C) quickly speeding off into the library cafe, and sitting down around the corner from where he was sat. The reason this option was invisible is because it's also stupid. Of course, I didn't realise that until about 5 minutes ago, when I finished my sandwich and then saw that in order to leave the library cafe, where I couldn't work, and go the the silent section as planned I would have to walk past him.

By this point I know he has sat back down and is probably thinking 'Cor, what a bitch, to have just left without saying anything' because why on earth would anyone sit around the corner from the person they're tyring to avoid? The only exit from the library cafe is through the seating area; I now have to leave by walking past him. What do I do?? Do I do A) the sensible and adult thing, go up to him and calmly explain that I wasn't taking a break and didn't see the point of sitting with him whilst I ate? Or do I do B) the responsible and potentially embarrassing thing and explain to him how I didn't feel comfortable sitting with him for fear of leading him on and tell him I just want to be friends??
Oh god, I have to move now. The waitress in the cafe is looking at me funny because I haven't actually bought anything, just sat here desperately scribbling into my notebook. Here goes.

16:26pm
I chose invisible option C) Childishly run through both library cafe and seating area, without looking back, and diving through the door, bolting up the stairs to the third floor silent section.

Oh life. You fail.

xXx

disillusionabalelabelabealled

Me and Alex were having a natter about how disillusioned we have become with our blogs. He said he felt that he didn't write about himself enough, and I said I felt like I wrote too much about my tiny little life to really interest anyone.

Upon glancing back through my blog since september last year, however, I noticed that I haven't really been writing...well, anything. Occasionally I'll put up (what I deem to be) a little hilarious converchat between myself and one of my ridiculous family members or friends, but other than that it's all a bit...meh. I looked back at the glory days of my blog during first year; before the age of Twitter, I hasten to add. I used to write hundreds and hundreds of blogs, most of them itty bitty insights into what I was up to that day and stupid stuff that happened to me. But now? Now all the stupid stuff goes on Twitter. How stupid is that??

Then again it could just be that not many exciting things happen to me anymore. I mean, I can't remember the last time I was on campus and saw a bin on fire.

I'm not gonna type here and pretend that I'm going to suddenly reform my ways and everyday there'll be an 'Amy Update' or anything. Like I said, I don't wanna make it a 'ALL ABOUT ME ALL THE TIME RAH RAH I'M AMAZING AREN'T I?' type situation. I'm just gonna try and make more of an effort to not put EVERYTHING on Twitter- I tweet too much anyways- and instead just keep you guys posted on the happening haps of my not so happening life. Cos to say that NOTHING has happened to me recently would be a massively gross overstatement. And you guys know how i'm SO not prone to exaggeration, like, ever, duh.

So yeah. Wooo writing.

xXx

Fickle

Emma: What y'up to?
Me: Deleting messages from my kentmail. I have 250+ messages, and it's taking forever, 'cos I have to go through one by one checking I don't need them
Emma: Ah that sucks
Me: You know what really does piss me off, though?
Emma: What?
Me: The fuckin', 'deleted messages' folder thing-
Emma: Ahhhhh i knoww!
Me: What the hell?? First I have to delete all these, then I have to go through that deleting them? it's so stupid, I hate it

(5 minutes later)

Emma: So what are you doing tonight?
Me: (finger held down on 'delete') Well, me and Con were going to- *gasp* NOOOOOOO-
Emma: What?
Me: NONONONONONOOOOOO!
Emma: Amy, what is it?!?!?
Me: I wasn't supposed to delete that one! Shit, what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?!
Emma: Er, er, er, quick- go into your deleted items!
Me: (looks puzzled) Wha- OH YEAH! (clicks folder) Ahhhhh, look, there it is! Oh, deleted items folder. You are the best folder there has ever been. Emma, seriously, this is like the greatest thing ever, see? It's just there! Ah, man, how relieved am I right now? Win.


xXx

number9dream

Here's the review I wrote on 'number9dream' by David Mitchell (no, not THAT one) for my Novel writing seminar, thing. and stuff.

In David Mitchell's 'number9dream' we accompany Eiji Miyake on his journey to Tokyo, in the hope of finding the father who abandoned him and his twin sister Anju; they are the result of an illegitimate affair with their alcoholic mother his father would rather forget. On the surface the story seems bored, predictable and potentially riddled with cliché; in practice, Mitchell has turned it into one of the most compelling and emotive stories of the 21st century.
We begin in a run-down café, with a determined Eiji psyching himself up to go and confront a law-firm who he believes hold information that will help him find his father. We then relive this moment three times over; each time an extension of reality with a different result. We realise that the overtly imaginative Eiji is daydreaming as to the possibilities of the day. This blend between reality and the ridiculous is an underlying method used by Mitchell throughout the novel. The first chapter alone creates a concoction of reality and the mystique that flows through the novel; whether it is via Eiji's imagination or that of another mind, the few matter-of-fact occurrences of his life (that could be seen as mundane but are in fact beautiful) are accompanied by ludicrous and spell-binding creation of other worlds, parallels and realities.
The lyrical quality of of Mitchell's words is breath-taking. In amongst reason and fact lie subtle sentences, so full of beauty and contemplation that you cannot help but be stunned by his ability to select the right words at the right time. A discussion on the meaning of life between Eiji and love interest Ai Imajo, whilst he watches his cat lap at water, is a perfect demonstration of Mitchell's ability to find beauty in amongst everyday occurrences. This style can also be found in his descriptions of Tokyo; they bring it to life in a way a photo could dream to, as you create the world so effortlessly in your mind, thanks to his wonderful use of words. Because he has helped you to imagine you truly feel as if you are stood behind the shoulder of Eiji, throughout it all. It is not only his journey- it also becomes yours.
Eiji's narrative provides a lucid foreground for our story to take place; detailed and intricate, Mitchell's ability to write the ridiculous as matter-of-factly as the norm allows us to become lost in Eiji's imagination. This also allows the subtle themes to come through on a level of ethos we only experience because of the strength of Eji's narrative voice; the idea of loss, not only of his parental heritage, becomes stronger and stronger in not only the moments where Eiji is directly speaking of his father, but in the times where events much bigger than his character are taking place. Eiji's tendency to remember echoes of a past life and normality, create an empathy that stings within the reader, making the idea of loss so much more effective.
Mitchell's 'number9dream' is a masterpiece; intricate, detailed, but never tiring.

xXx

PS Sorry i haven't written much. things have been hella crazy up in here. i'll try to come back sooner, i promise (nothing)

(500) Days of...

I used to be a 'Tom'. Now I'm definitely a 'Summer'.

McKenzie: [drunk] So do you have a boyfriend?
Summer: No.
McKenzie: Why not?
Summer: Because I don’t want one.
McKenzie: Come on; I don’t believe that.
Summer: You don’t believe that a woman could enjoy being free and independent?
McKenzie: Are you a lesbian?
Summer: [laughing] No I’m not a lesbian. I just, don’t feel comfortable being anyone’s girlfriend. I don’t actually feel comfortable being anyone’s anything.
McKenzie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Summer: Really?
McKenzie: Nope.
Summer: Ok, let me break it down for you–
McKenzie: Break it down!
Summer: Ok. I, like being on my own. I think relationships are messy and people’s feelings get hurt. Who needs it? We’re young, we live in one of the most beautiful cities in the world; might as well have fun while we can and, save the serious stuff for later.
McKenzie: Oh my God, you’re a dude. [to Tom] She’s a dude!
Tom: Ok but wait–wait. What happens, if you fall in love?
[she scoffs]
Tom: What?
Summer: You don’t believe that, do you?
Tom: It’s love, it’s not Santa Claus.

xXx

Science and History; as taught by Pandy

Me: Mum, here's some news; they've changed the astrological star sign dates... thing.
Mum: They've what?
Me: you know how your birthday relates to a star sign-
Mum: Oh, the zodiac?
Me: yeah!! S'been changed now. I'm now an...Aquarius.
Mum: Well, no, that's rubbish, bloody changing them-
Me: Well, no, it's cos-
Mum: Why do they keep bloody changing things??? They got rid of sodding Pluto already!
Me:...erm...but NASA said-
Mum: sod NASA, because they got rid of Pluto for being too small, THEY MAKE THIS CRAP UP AS THEY GO ALONG!I tell you Amy, I went beserk when I found out they got rid of it for being too small,HOW CAN YOU GET RID OF SOMETHING FOR BEING SMALL?? IT'S STILL THERE!
Me: Well, it just wasn't technically a planet anymor-
Mum: It is a planet- IT IS A BLOODY A PLANET!!
Fozz: What are you shouting about now, Ma??
Mum:THAT THEY GOT RID OF PLUTO.
(Fozz sighs, whilst Dad laughs in the back round)
Mum: It's not funny, Andrew! Is that to say small people don't exist, cos small planets don't exist???
Me: Er, no, no I don't think that's what they were saying at al-
Mum: It's rubbish, it's rubbish, it's all crap. Short people make the history!
Me: The history??
Mum: They make the history yeah, maybe not for good things, but you know Napoleon. AND Hitler. The fact they were tiny made history.
Me: I never started any history lessons with the tinier you are, the more history you'll make, although not necessarily for a good reason
Mum: Hitler- He was tiny. And he only had one gonad. and he had a moustache. Not good really, is it, for old Hitler??
Me: *speechless* Well- er
Mum: do not ever let Pluto go, Amy. We short people have to stick together.
Me:...does this mean I now have to advocate Napoleon and Hitler?

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