Confessions

1) I like leaving the music channels on, in case a song that I'm not really supposed to enjoy comes on, and then feign ignorance as to the whereabouts of the remote control.
2) Sometimes when I see my cat Charlie sat on the windowsill outside, waiting to be let in, I get up and go to the door as if I'm going to open it, then laugh at her from the other side of the cat-flap.
3) The more talented a man the more attractive i find him. This then explains my crushes on Simon Pegg, Gary Oldman, Liam Neeson, Dara O'Briain and David Mitchell.
4) I really want to steal the Toy Story alarm clock that my 4 year old nephew Eli owns. During the day it has Woody on it, and at night the face changes to Buzz and glows in the dark. It gets harder to leave it where it is everytime I see it.
5) I tell people I don't believe in marriage because I don't need a band of metal on my finger to prove I love a man, but really it's because I'm convinced the love would fall apart and the band of metal would make the hurt ten times worse.
6) I actually enjoy reading Middlemarch.
7) When I'm making my Academy Award Winner acceptance speech, I'm wholly tempted to name-call every bastard who ever doubted me and then cackle until forced off the stage.
8) Men with excessive piercings and long hair make me suspicious and feel a little bit ill.
9) I could never be with someone who smokes. EVER.
10) I don't think 'Spirited Away' is all that good.
11) I'm so addicted to Twitter that I dream about it at least 4 times a week.
12) When Carrie took Big back I was so angry I swore I'd never watch 'Sex and the City' again. I watched the film last night, but I still get rage.
13) I think my parents genuinely think I'm gay and in love with my best friend Connie.
14) Everytime my sister says that she thinks '(500) Days of Summer' is a rubbish film, a little part of me goes insane with rage.
15) When I first started blogging and tweeting, a few people took the mickey out of me. These same people now all have twitter and/or a blog. This makes me feel smug.
16) Sometimes I have a little cry over the fact that Muse's last album was rubbish and that they've broken my heart. To this day I still can't listen to 'Citizen Erased' without becoming depressed.
17) My level of apprehension way exceeds my level of excitement when it comes to starting my third and final year at University of Kent.
18) The process of having to pluck my eyebrows makes me wish I was a bloke.
19) If I had to choose between saving my cats or my friends, only about 67% of my friends would survive.
20) If I was told I have to choose between buying myself dinner or that months copy of Empire Magazine I would end up starving the majority of the time.

xXx

Burning Bright

Me: Ma, have you heard about that 'Burning Bright' film?
Mum: Yes i have, and i think it's appalling!
Me: I know I- wait, what? Don't you mean AMAZING?!?
Mum: NO!!! Now all those stupid Americans-
Me: BIT racist, mother-
Mum: -are gonna think (puts on terrible accent that sounds more welsh than anything) 'Oh man, all the tigers-
Me:-'all the tigers'?
Mum:-are gonna try and kill me and my family' and then they'll go round killing all the tigers!!
Me: Mum, there aren't any tigers in America!!!
Mum: Siegfried and Roy have tigers!!
Me: Yeah, but they're not gonna set them on people and be all 'Hey, shoot my tiger'!!
Mum: YES THEY WILL!!

xXx

Conversation

Blogger:SNORREE....ZZZZZ....SNOOOOOR- AHH, what?!?!? Wait, who is that? Amy?
Me: Heeey Blogger.
Blogger: What are you doing up?!?! it's half 2 in the morning!!
Me: Jezz, Blogger, you should be used to this by now
Blogger: But... But you've been so sensible of late
Me: Meh, i got bored of sensible
Blogger: But-
Me: Hey, stop lecturing and let's just do this already, yeah?
Blogger: Fine. What do you wanna write about?
Me:...Don't know.
Blogger: WHAT?? SO YOU WOKE ME UP AT HALF 2 IN THE MORNING TO JUST SIT AROUND AND WAIT FOR YOU TO GET YOUR SORRY ARSE INTO GEAR AND-
Me: Seriously, dude? Chill.
Blogger: DON'T YOU TELL ME TO CHILL, I WORK EVERYD-
Me: Oh please!! You do not work everyday!
Blogger: I DO!
Me:Pfft-
Blogger: I- DON'T YOU 'PFFT' ME!!
Me: You know, tumblr never gets like this. Tumblr doesn't give a fuck what time people wanna write blogs.
Blogger: Maybe you should just get a tumblr then. Delete me.
Me:...What, you're seriously gonna do this?
Blogger: Go on. Do it. Delete me. and get a tumblr. If it's so much better. See if i care.
Me: but-
Blogger: delete me, like you told me you were gonna delete your Twitter account about 3 months-
Me: YOU LEAVE TWITTER OUT OF THIS.
Blogger: I don't care. delete me. Get a tumblr, frolic and re-post the same things everyone else does.
Me: But...we've been together almost 2 years, you can't honestly say you wouldn't-
Blogger: I-
Me: But-
Blogger: Don't-
Me: We-
Blogger: Care. (silence) Well?
Me:...imsorry
Blogger: What was that?
Me: I'm Sorry.
Blogger: Better.
Me: I promise next time i'll have an idea before i wake you up at half 2 in the morning.
Blogger: Good girl. Honestly, what were you playing at?
Me: I dunno, i just thought... maybe if i just opened a new post page i'd know what to do once i got there.
Blogger: Well, thank god we've had this discussion. Otherwise who knows what kind of tawdry crap you could have tainted me with.
Me:...Blogger?
Blogger: yeah?
Me: Can i blog about this conversatio-
Blogger: No one wants to read this conversation, Amy. You come across very badly in this conversation. And that's mostly because it never actually happened.

xXx

Questions

(Here is a random poem i wrote a while ago)


All the days are figures;
years are figures moving slow.
The first hand slips
and the second is forgotten,
moments falls to a pause
and breaths are held,
like a marksmen with a cross-hair
poised on a fraction of a life.
To save it is a question of conscience.
To take it is a question of pride.
The question's not of Ego
but a fragile state of mind.


xXx

that 3 month itch...

After I'd said 'I'm fed up' for the twelfth time since 3pm today, Pandy turned to me and said 'You want to go back to Canterbury, we get it'. I was mollified, quickly defending myself with well thought out argument's such as 'Nu-Uh' and 'Pfft that's not why i'm fed up,JEEZ Pands, give it a break'. Mum then said 'Amy. You get like this at least 3 weeks before you're due to head back to Uni. You go on about how tired you. How you're fed up but don't know why. How you just feel down all the time. It's because you're getting Desperate to go back to Canterbury. It's OK, me and your father understand. We're just thankful you had work to keep you occupied otherwise this would've started up at least a month ago'.

The woman is right.

I need to go back to Canterbury now.

(Puts red ruby slippers on and starts tapping feet together)
-Er, Amy, What are you doing?
-Trying to get back to Canterbury.
-Just because it worked for Dorothy, doesn't mean it's gonna work for you.
-...Dorothy? Who the hell is Dorothy?

xXx

Subspace Sex

Ross: I need to go to bed now. I have to get up at 08:30am
Me: Ahh noes!!
Ross: Ah well. Maybe Ramona Flowers can sneak a subspace portal into my brain and we can have hyped up supersex whilst i sleep
Me: PFFT yeah right, in your dreams. OOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Ross: Oh dear...
Me: I went there.

xXx

Cat Dreams

Now i know why Millie always moves about so much in her sleep.

xXx