Semi Live Blog: Working in an Upmarket Department Store

Here is a Semi-Live blog i wrote whilst working my first full day at an Upmarket Department Store*. I've never worked in retail before. ever.

08:59am
Ok, so work hasn't even technically started yet, and already i've mucked up the psion system and i think I've broken the phone.
Also when i answered the phone I totally forgot phone protocol and just ended up saying 'Err err, wait, i forgot what I'm supposed to say-' to which the phoner replied 'Er, hello usually works'.
OH GOD WHY DID SHE LEAVE ME ALONE ON MY FIRST DAY?!?!?

09:02am
At least I look pretty. I may be fucking up, but i look pretty.

09:11am
I officially have a new best friend. Her name is Pauline and she works in the alterations department. She is FAB. She's sympathetic to my plight. my plight being that I HAVE NO FUCKING CLUE WHAT I'M DOING.

Time? I don't know. I got told off by J for having my phone in the draw of the desk so i had to get rid of it and there are no clocks on the shop floor. But then again why would you need clocks in a place where time. stands. still. J's phone is now where mine was. Hypocritical cow.

Around 11 i guess
J sorted out the Psion situation. afterwards she turned to me and scathingly said 'An idiot could do this job, Amy. ok?'

Later in the day
I've already helped old ladies spend over £250 this morning. I feel guilty, like i'm stealing from them. I'm sure this isn't how sales people are supposed to feel- guilty.

Later in the daaay
An old lady flashed me. Pulled back the changing room curtain as i approached it with a different size skirt for her and was stood there in her, surprisingly small, underwear. I DID NOT SIGN ON FOR THIS.

Later
Currently sat in the staff restaurant. No phones allowed, and still no clocks. I don't know what drink to have. I want something cold but all they have is fizzy stuff and i'm scared to drink them in case i burp in some old person's face.

Later
MAKING A LORRA LORRA SALES BLINDA DATA

Around 12:45pm
Holy shit. I've just noticed the christmas decorations up in here. Christmas Decorations. IT'S NOT EVEN FUCKING HALLOWEEN YET.

Afternoon time
Just received a 'Round Robin' from Tunbridge Wells, that I had to forward to Beales in Haversham regarding graphics. Had no idea what i was saying but FUCK that felt professional.

Afternoon time later
J just came over to me with a bottle of perfume, put it on the desk and then said 'Here you go. Just in case you start to smell'. ?????????????????????????????????????????????????

Sometimes after 15:30pm
Just saw myself in the mirror. I need to get my hair cut.

time
Oh my word the lingerie in the area of the shop floor next to mine is stunningly beautiful. I've spent half my time ogling at it and the other half thinking of how i'm going to spend my payslip on it.

Close to 17:00pm
AWW BEAM!! C just came over and said 'Have you ever done this before? and I said 'No' and she said 'you're an absolute natural. You're excellent with the customers, you speak so well to them! I'm very impressed!' Also J set me a target of £500 worth of sales - i made £870!!
YEEEAAAH BWOIIII!
Still bored as fuck, though.

You can tell that towards the end i just stopped caring.
xXx

Dancing with the Star Wars Stars

OK, so basically Vicki told me she had something amazing to show me. ONce she did i felt it was only right to pass on the amazingness to you lovely lot. Because, and i mean this;
THIS. IS. EPIC.

2007


2008


2009


2010


Now don't say I never give you nuthin'

xXx