That time of the month

The last week has been...peculiar. My mood has fallen from it's peak to it's lowest ebb, only to crawl back up before once more crashing in a fiery blaze. I've experienced euphoria, depression, excitement, boredom, both self-respect and self-effacing. Basically it's been one shitty roller coaster ride after another and I didn't have a clue why.

At first I thought it was stress. I haven't been sleeping well either, had had some particularly crazy dreams, and my skin has turned into something you'd be more likely to find on a lizard than a 21 year old woman. I've also gotten loads of spots, which (I'm not bragging by any means when i say this by the way) I don't usually suffer from and a cold sore has magically appeared on my lip as if from nowhere.

I've spent most of today either crying or moping, feeling inexplicable exhausted, drained, headachey and generally like shit. Self-Conscious does not even BEGIN to describe my current state; a strange and mild case of agoraphobia has kept me house bound, and right now i would be very happy if no one from the outside world ever saw me again.

After finishing the two-hour marathon of '4 in a bed' on Channel 4, i sat with my notepad in front of me, trying to figure out something to write, and failed dismally. Writer's block is not uncommon with me; my creative ability is a temperamental bastard. However, I always get the job done eventually, so i don't usually worry too much if i can't write at a specific time. But this time? This time i got frustrated and just ended up crying for about 20 minutes straight. Imagine the scene; several cups of tea lay around me, and i'm tucked up on my sofa in pyjama bottoms, a baggy blue t-shirt of my dad's that Ma accidentally put in my suitcase and entombed in a massive pink blanket, sobbing heartily, with a notepad covered in pictures of muffins with cute faces open to an almost blank page with 'I CAN'T WRITE ANYTHING BECAUSE I SUCK' scrawled over-dramatically in the middle of it. That, my friends, is me.

I've been trying to think about why all this could be happening. yes, i'm stressed but i've had more things on my mind than this before and been fine. Yes, I have a lot of work to do, but I've had far more work and far less time to do it and been better than this before. So what on earth could the problem be?

then it hit me. I scrambled for my phone, lost in the pink blanketness of my situation, and looked at my calendar. Yep, there it was, in pixelated colours of blue and white; My period is due.

At this point in time the guys who read my blog are going to recoil in horror and probably declare 'ARGH TMI, AMY' and then run away from their screens. Alex has told me before that whenever i mention i'm due on he always gets the bloody door scene from 'The Shining' come into his head.

But i find this majorly annoying.

The female menstrual cycle isn't the most delicate of situations, I'll admit. and no, it's not the most delightful thing to think about. but that's all men have to do; THINK about it. If men actually had to endure the genuine agony of a menstrual cycle, i wonder if things would be different?

Women are claimed to be weaker than men. We are told than we aren't physically as strong as them, and then they are just in general, braver and stronger than women are. But hang on a second; if you actually took some time to understand the severity of the physical process and the effects that going through menstruation actually involves, and then consider that this happens once a month, every month, for the majority of a woman's life, then i'm sure we'd realise women's bodies are a hell of a lot tougher than most people think. The process of childbirth alone puts the greatest amount of strain a human body can probably ever experience, and yet some women go through this process over and over and over again. And yet men's bodies can't, and don't experience any kind of stress even close to the act of carrying a child and then giving birth to it.And yet they're stronger? Men can certainly life heavier weights than women, yeah. But as for saying they can work longer hours or deal with more stressful situations...a woman grows and carries another human being inside of her for nine months. it's not a part-time job, and it's not one where you get breaks. It's constant, and takes endurance and stamina and bravery that i doubt most men could deal with.

All of the problems i've experienced and listed at the top of this page, are all as a result of my time of the month being due. So those things happen to me every month. I'm not ashamed of talking about it, and i don't think any woman should be; sure, some people are gonna think this is too much information, but it's a part of mine and mostly every other woman's life, and it shouldn't be seen as something embarrassing or something to be judged by. We experience a massive physical event that changes our bodies dramatically, and that takes its toll. So no, i'm not embarrassed by it. I embrace it, and swear about it, and bitch and moan to my friends or on Twitter about it. But i still deal with it.

This blog is not me having a go at men; not in the slightest. I am very blessed that most of the men in my life do not believe that their sex makes them better than me, or any other female. But there is no man in my life that doesn't recoil at the sheer mention of a period. I'm simply asking that the next time you freak out about it, and go on about how gross it is, consider how that might be making the woman feel, that you're addressing. No, (hopefully) you're not directly labelling her as gross; but she will be in an emotionally fragile position wherein that is already how she will feel about herself. So try to be more understanding and accommodating.

And the next time you consider yourself to be stronger than a woman, think twice; because whilst you're ogling at a woman for her breasts, bum, hips and face and considering her to be a dainty figure that needs protection, you must also remember there is a lot more to the female body than that which meets your eye.

xXx