The End

And so, 4 years, 23 days later this lovely blog come to an end.

I've got a new one now, over on Tumblr

I just needed to make a new writing-ey start ^^

Hope you all had fun <3

Thanks for everything!!

Amy xxxxxx

15 things you only ever say whilst playing 'Tomb Raider II'

1) WHY WON'T YOU DO AS YOU'RE TOLD, YOU BIG TITTED BITCH??

2) She runs towards them when I tell her to jump sideways, and doesn't ever aim at the bastards. DOES SHE WANT TO DIE??

3) Oh SHIT, I've run out of flares and have no idea where I parked my boat.

4) I have over 400 Uzi clips, but no Uzi. What's the point?

5) It took 5 shotgun shots, the entirety of my automatics ammunition and a further minute of pistol shooting before the big guy in the opera house would go down. And he had A LOT of dogs.

6) Then they had the audacity to take my f**king grenade launcher from me.

7) ARGH Bad-Guy Scuba Diver! Bloody harpoon gun does sod all!

8) HE SHOT ME WITH A F**KING FLAME THROWER!! WHO DOES THAT??

9) I don't know where this shark's come from, but it's royally pissing me off.

10) I found a really easy way to defeat the Dragon!

11) My motto is constantly have your guns out, because you don't know when some burly f**ker is gonna come round the corner.

12) The Eagles always try to kill me.

13) The next bit's the bit with the yeti, yeah?

14) Nah, The Monks help kill the burly gun guys who break into the Monastery.

15) I already locked the Butler in the freezer

I'm fed up of reading 'Stars under pressure to lose more weight' or 'Dangers of weight loss; Revealed' on the front of magazines, then turning the pages and finding 'New diet will help you find a new you!' or 'Lose 4 stone in as many months!' waiting in the back. Its just an evil cycle of at first promoting the images of far-too-thin celebrities as glamorous, and then reporting on the sufferers of eating disorders, who've been inundated with ideas of how we're 'supposed to look'. Fuck it all; pay no attention to an idealised and impossible projection of who you should be, and concentrate on discovering who YOU want to be <3

Summer Anthem

If only we had the sunshine to accompany it. Silly English weather.

xXx

I'm a stupid cat

If Amy Victoria George was a Nation, this would be it's National Anthem

xXx

Catch up.

So, er... it's been a while. Wow, and I didn't even write anything on the last one, just put up loads of links to remix's of the Jurassic Park theme tune. That doesn't sound like something i would do at all, does it?

What have I been up to since Uni finished then, other than booty shakin' to J-Park rhymes? Wishing I was Beyonce enough to actually be able to shake my booty, for one. Did you see her at Glastonbury?? Gurl has got some SKILLZ. See, i booty bump and people call for help, believing they're witnessing a small white girl having what appears to be an epileptic fit. But Beyonce booty bumps, and people call for help coz the gurl's so damn hot they catch FIRE. I pretty much have been listening to 'Run the World' on repeat for the last 2 weeks. I'm listening to it now actually. See, I'm a multi-tasker; I don't let one thing that I'm doing interfere wi- WHO RUN THIS MUTHA? WHO RUN THIS MUTHA? - th anything else I may be involved with. GIRLZ.

I've also been looking for a job, but i'm not gonna go into detail with that one, for 3 reasons; 1) it is literally driving me insane trying to find one 2) the job centre have excelled themselves in terms of dickish, outlandish and generally idiotic behaviour and 3) i am in the process of applying for an absolutely incredible job which, if i got, could be the start of my whole career. and a superstitious laydee like myself would be a fool to run round telling everyone about it. so i won't.

one of the biggest things that I've had to come to terms with since coming back from Uni was not what I missed in Canterbury, but who was missing from my home. Upon arriving home Pandy informed me that a few days before my wonderful Itteh Bitteh Kitteh Millie had passed away. It wasn't a surprise; in fact as soon as Mum said 'We have some bad news' I simply said 'Millie' and began sobbing. She was old, somewhere between 19 and 22 years old, and she hadn't been well for a while. It still hits me pretty hard every day; we still have our two other cats, Charlie and Sully. But neither of them are lap cats, so I've been missing the furry cuddles she use to give me. I dabbled with the idea of doing a blog specifically dedicated to her, but i decided against it. This whole blog, and my Twitter feed for that matter, are an ode to her and her erratically fantastic behaviour. and to be honest, I wanna keep our own little world private. I know I often wear my heart on my sleeve, but it broke a little when she went, so you can forgive me for hiding it away for a while.

Another thing I've been doing of late is getting my sing-song on with a friend of mine named Sam; he's the guitarist and singer from my brother's band, Teenage Glory Days, and we've been doing some acousticey (not a word? it is now) 50s style music, which has been so much fun, and keeping me busy. have a look at the Teenage Glory Days Facebook Page, they've got a few gigs coming up this summer, and they put on an amazing show so don't miss out! Also, they're such legendary guys, they deserve all the likes they can get. Do IT! For me? (I almost put a winking smiley here but who am I kidding, I can't pull that off)

One other thing i've been doing to keep busy is volunteering at my local Cats Protection League Charity Shop! I work with a few people, 3 days a week, and i gotta say it's pretty awesome actually! It's incredibly rewarding, and keeps me from sitting at home in front of the TV becoming ridiculously obsessed with America's Next Top Model and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Hopefully I'm gonna get the opportunity to work with feral cats soon, which would be so INSANELY cool i wouldn't know what to do with myself!!!

well, I've run on enough for now. I promise I'll try to make more of an effort to write on here, people. And by people I mean anyone foolhardy enough to actually read my ramblings.

BYEEEEEEEEEE

xXx

Jurassic Party

I don't know why it's taken me so long to type the words 'Jurassic Park Theme Song Remix' into Google. I've literally never been this happy;

At least I now have a reason to get married; EPIC WEDDING SONGS FTW.

xXx

Job Centre

(I walk in, and wait for 10 minutes for someone to notice I'm stood there)

Bespectacled Lady: Oh! Hello! Sorry, didn't see you standing there, how can I help?

Me: Er, yeah, basically I er just finished University, and I'm looking to get a job, and I (mumbling) kindaneedtosignon.

Bespectacled Lady: Ah, Ok, so you've finished your first year of Uni-

Me: No, no, I'm er-

Bespectacled Lady: How old are you, around 18, yes?

Me: No, I've finished Uni, I'm 21

Bespectacled Lady: (looks me up and down) Really?

Me: Uh-huh.

Bespectacled Lady: Did you receive loans whilst you studied?

Me: Yep, but I don't get them anymore

Bespectacled Lady: You sure?

Me: Yeah, although believe me when I say I wouldn't object to some money right about n-

(Bespectacled Lady goes back to her desk, and picks up a slip of paper with numbers and websites on)

Bespectacled Lady: Right, so to sign on you need to phone this free number-

Me: Cool, do I need-

Bespectacled Lady: And for jobs, you look online here, ok?

Me: Oh, ok, but do I-

Bespectacled Lady: Good luck!! (walks away)

I floundered for about half a minute before stumbling out of the Job Centre, and retrieving my bike.

And thus begins my search for a job and life as (no longer a student) an unemployed bum.

xXx

Me and Matt did that thing again where we sing and play music

xXx

Bird Poo

So this morning I was out in my back garden, reading 'American Psycho' and watching the birds flit about as they always do, when one of the bastards decides to drop me a little present. That's right - I got pooed on by a bird.

Now, i got away with it quite well - it only hit my legs, which were leaning on a little wall, so there were no head-shots. Almost wrote 'head-shits' then, what a suitable freudian slip.

I've never been pooed on by a bird before, ever, so at first i though it was raining or something when a little drop splattered on my legs. last time I checked though, rain isn't yellow, so I figured it out soon enough. At first i just sat there swearing at the sky, but after cleaning myself up i remembered the old wives tale that being pooed on by a bird brings you good luck. I decided to make a note pf all the good luck I had today, and all the bad luck i had to day, and see if it held any truth.

Good Luck

- After 6 days of waiting, a DVD* I ordered finally turned up

- I went for a wander and discovered a (beautiful!) part of Canterbury I didn't even know existed, including a little farm with donkeys, goats, cheep and chickens!

- After getting back from the wander I watched 'Cherrybomb'* and simultaneously perved over Robert Sheehan AND Rupert Grint. Who's Northern Irish accent, btw, was THE TITS <--- technical term

- Stepped out in-front of a car on London Road and DIDN'T, by sheer miracle, get hit. Hats off to the breaks of that Volvo.

Bad Luck

- I tripped over on my wander and hurt my toe

- I decided to walk into town wearing no make-up, having not washed my hair that day and wearing a baggy top that made me look pregnant because 'It's not like I'm gonna bump into anyone' and bumped into Sexy Starbucks Guy.

- The reason I went into town was to buy hair dye (hence the unwashed hair) and they didn't have any

- I burnt my middle finger really badly, and all under my nail.

From the day's events I have come to this conclusion;

When a bird shits on you your day runs the exact same course that it would have done had the bird not shit on you, except that more people say the words 'Ah, but it brings good luck!!' to you, and you find yourself cursing birds under your breath whilst washing their poo off of your legs.

xXx

Definition of Cute:

xxx

bra wonders

Today was Connie's last exam. as a result, she and I ended up getting very, very, very drunk indeed. to be honest, i am still fairly under the inlfuence whilst writitng this, but it was too much for a tweet.

can i just say, any spelling mistakes are entirely my own; the fact that this is even legible is purely down to the heavy responsibility of spell check. beliebe me when i say i am FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

so basically, me and con left the venue at around 00@40am and decided to get a burger. after getting the burger, we decided to climb a tree. there are sevvral along eliot footpath and so we chose the one with the best anchorage, and hauled our arses up there.

desperate for a picture, i called out to a couple of girls walking along. i asked if they would take a picture and they said NO but then a guy, who was chasing after them said 'how'd you get up there' and then after taking our picture

he climbed up into the tree with us. the guy's names was Alex, and he was escaping his nagging girlfriend, elsie, who wanted him to walk her friend naiomi home. he told us he was fed up of it, and told elsie he was 'gonna stay in the tree, where he's free'.

after about 15 minutes some of alex's friends came along and dragged him out of the tree. me and connie agreed we should leaf (GET IT) too, and so departed from the tree. i said i had to be careful because my camera was in my hand, and if i lost it i would be dead.

We both got out of the tree. and i felt for my camera. it wasn't there. I asked connie if she remembered me giving it to her so i could be careful and she said no. we then spent the next 20 minutes or so searching up the tree, around the tree and asking various people if they knew where my camera was.

Connie came to conclusion alex or one of his friends had stolen it. I started to cry, because the camera was very expensive, and had been a 21st birthday present from my University friends and so meant a great deal to me. i sat down and started to sob, before connie said 'retrace your steps; what did you do before you came down?'

I said: 'well, i said i was worried about breaking my camera when climbing down the tree, and then i had an idea, so i-' and i gasped. i looked down at my top half, reached into my bra, and pulled out my camera.

i had put it in there for safety whilst climbing down the tree. connie could not stop laughing, and neither could i.

and thus ends the day, I found my lost camera in my bra.

seriously, im so drunk u cant even remembeer writing a lot of that. god bless you spellcheck.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I want this more than I want Rupert Grint

Normally I don't offer my body as trade, but in this case I'd be willing to make an exception;

http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/JURASSIC-PARK-Jeep-YJ-Sahara-MOIVE-PROP-REPLICA-/280681882660?pt=US_Cars_Trucks&hash=item4159f1a424

xXx

Mother Monster

How could i have ever doubted her?

One of the most beautiful, inspiring and talented women i have ever seen, or heard, or been inspired by.



I wrote this poem below after listening to 'Bad Romance'. The title is my homage to what surely must be one of the greatest pop songs ever recorded!

Je Veux Ton Revenge

Apologise now. And Mean it.
(I don’t say things I don’t mean)
And so, you’ve handed me the shining, treacherous keys,
(That reflect the glisten of grief in my eyes; this is how you say sorry? Jesus...)
To whatever soft top, faster-than-fuck coupe
I feel like driving off a cliff today.
‘Thank you’, turning fast and walk so that it
Makes me move the way
The way I know you
Like it too
(This’ll make him sorry)
Left to right, I feel the muscles up and down my back,
Working to maximum effect,
Leaving me feeling heavy and hung,
Leaving you gasping, eyes rolling, tongue lolling and your head light.
(I am Pavlov, you are DOG)
I follow your eyes from the back of my head to the crease just above the rise of my jeans,
And your hand reaches down as I move,
swiftly like a cat does to evade the stroke of a stranger,
To avoid your finger tips:
‘Not yet-
Leave me alone to mope for a while.
I promise I’ll come (back for you) with a dazzling smile.’

-----
I think what I love the most is you can tell how much she appreciates what she has, and when she writes and sings it really seems to be for her fans. Just... wow.

Luvvie gushing over.

xXx

Size (Never) Matters

There has never been a time in my life where I have been 'slim'. When I was younger I was a lot bigger than most of the other girls around me, and believe me when I say they let me know about it. But when I reached 14 I started playing more sports (rounders FTW), and puberty took it's course, and I lost a couple of stone and went down from a, at my age and height simply obese, size 18 to a more manageable size 14. Since then, I have always been that size; I am 5'2" and size 14. That is my size.

I have tried very hard in the past to lose weight. I mean, really hard. Diets, excessive exercise. There was a period of time I am ashamed to admit where I avoided eating altogether. And do you know what happened? Nothing. I lost no weight. My legs became slightly more toned, but my tummy and thighs still wobbled as much as they used to. My fitness levels were brilliant, but my body did not change.

I came to this simple conclusion; In the same way that many slim people can eat whatever they wish and not gain a pound, I can exercise and diet as much as I wish, and I will not lose a pound. It would be very easy to complain about this, hate myself and avoid mirrors and wearing wonderful clothes that show off my body shape. But I choose not to; I choose to accept who I am, and the shape I am. I love me as much as I can without dallying into arrogance, and I wear clothes that make the most of my shape. I don't shy away from showing myself and my personality off. I used to; I'm not gonna lie, there are still moments where I cannot stand my body (to be honest, If it were up to me I would be a size 12). But as my efforts have shown, it really isn't up to me!

I read a newspaper article today, that spoke of how less and less women feel it's necessary to tone up for the summer, because we have become lazy. It upset me, because I still try very hard to keep my fitness levels up, but I'm not what most people would consider 'toned up for summer'. I've recently taken up biking, and average out about 10 miles a day, and I'm probably fitter than some of the naturally slim people I know! I can imagine this is the case for a lot of women, for whom a lot of pressure is placed to be labelled 'toned for summer', but because we are not slim, does not mean we are lazy. How is 10 miles a day on a bike lazy? I'm not trying to tone up for summer, and I feel it's horrific that because a certain time of the year has come around suddenly we have to be picturesque statues walking around in bikinis. Some women simply don't have the choice, but the fact is we shouldn't be made to choose in the first place. There should be no expectations of appearance.

I long for a society where the mantra can be 'as long as you're happy'. This doesn't just apply to weight, but all issues of superficiality. Of course, in cases where a person's situation is detrimental to their health then something should be done. But, the fact remains that 'Beauty is in the eye of the beholder'; no truer words have ever been spoken. People should stop trying to determine what should and should not be considered beautiful, and just let people be. At 5'2" and size 14, I am technically unfit and overweight and therefore by some considered ugly. But I'm not unfit; most days I don't consider myself to be ugly;I'm certainly not unhappy. I just am.

I would rather spend my time enjoying life than spending time wishing I was different. My friends and family think I am beautiful no matter what. My parents have always told us that the only things that matters is how happy we are. And there's no question of my happiness.

And that's just it; It is in the company of a happy soul that a person can experience real beauty. Not in the words or eyes of a person who knows nothing about you other than your dress size.

xXx

Should celebrities be able to cover the tracks of their immoral behaviour?

ON April 19th 2011, a ‘Celebrity’ of high standing who had an illicit affair with a colleague, was awarded the right to remain anonymous in fear that if discovered his actions would result in an adverse affect upon his wife, children and family. The colleague was told that she ‘owed a duty of confidence’ to this male celebrity involved. On April 20th 2011 a high-profile Television Presenter was granted a high court conjunction, suppressing the revelation of a set of intimate photos taken of him and a woman, again for fear of damaging the health of his family, his loved ones and himself.

The woman with whom the married celebrity had an affair was told by a judge that she ‘owed a duty of confidence’ to the man involved. But how about if we consider the ‘duty of marriage and fidelity’ the man owes to his wife? By embarking on an affair with this woman, he has compromised the relationship he had his wife had created, and the vows they had made on their wedding day. Or shall we say, the ‘duties’ as a husband that he held. Surely he must be condemned for not having considered this before beginning the affair?
In the case of the ‘Celebrity Affair’, the issue that judges were considering was the welfare and health of the children involved. But if the male celebrity, now expressing his concern as to the happiness of his children, had been truly concerned about the welfare of those children then why did he choose to have an affair in the first place? By doing so, he was compromising not only his marriage, but the relationship he has with his wife and therefore the sanctity of his relationship with his children, and their happiness. He was, by the act of having an affair, endangering the welfare and health of his children already.

The fact that people with money public figures can now pay off restrict how much information about their illicit behaviour is revealed to the public is quite frankly disturbing. But what disgusts me most is the facade reasoning that it is all in the name of keeping loved ones safe. The men and women who opt to behave in such a way that they know will damage the ones they love cannot then use the excuse of these loved ones to protect their own backs. It is all about image; the Television Presenter who has been allowed to ‘gag’ the images of himself being intimate with a woman is known publicly to behave respectfully towards women, and these images will damage their reputation and career. But they obviously don’t respect women, nor do they mind lying to their loved ones about their real characteristics, and who they truly are. Again, if that are so concerned about the reactions of the people they love, why put themselves into a situation where that reaction can only be inevitable?

Whilst it is horrible for a family/loved ones to have to discover such illicit behaviour so publicly, these men or women can now get away with the act of infidelity. They can continue to violate the trust and love held that can be found between families and relationships, and due to the amount in their pockets success of their name be free from guilt and the sadness that comes from knowing you have let yourself and your family down. Never again will a famous person have to adhere to the basic principles of human behaviour; because now the laws normally reserved for child killers now also defend the cheating celebrity.

Principally, we have travelled back in time; throughout history men of power and position, Kings, Noblemen and members of high court, were allowed affairs, and their illicit secrets hidden from the public. By allowing now members of the ‘fame and fortune’ society to behave in the same manner, with the same level of secret surrounding their actions, we have made it socially acceptable to cheat on your husband or wife, and compromise your family. I wonder how much longer it will be before it is publicly expected and socially accepted for a man to be sleeping with a woman who is not his wife?

xXx

Spiderman VS Ghosts

Eli: You be a ghost and I'll be Spiderman and kill you!!
Me: Why Spiderman?
Eli: Spiderman is the only one who can fight ghosts, Auntie Amy!
Me:What about the Ghostbusters?
Eli:Who?
Me:I forget that you still have that to come, Eli. And Jurassic Park...I envy you.
Eli: WEB ATTACK!!

xXx

future

University is almost over *sigh* but with this comes some awesome times ahead. Adulthood beckons, and the real world sits and waits for us to whole-heartedly throw ourselves head-first into whatever profession we dream of having (after we've finished being on the dole and working in Tesco).

But there is one thing I am more excited about than anything else. All my plans to work for half a year, then travel to New Zealand for a few months, then come back and move as close to London as is feasibly possible and get a job whilst writing my socks off, the chances of making it as writer, being successful, winning BAFTAs, Academy Awards. There is one thing MORE exciting than any of the above;

When I move into my own place, I WILL BE ABLE TO GET MY OWN KITTENS.

and that, my friends, is what they call AWESOME

xXx

That Bieber effect

Me: ARGH I've got that stupid 'I want Candy' song in my head
Emma: I've still got fucking Justin Bieber in my head from where you and Jack were singing it earlier
Me: Maybe if we put some different music on, we won't have them stuck anymore. *clicks spotify on her desktop* Fancy anything in particular?
Emma: ANYTHING but Bieber
Me: *sly smile creeps on face* Wait, you DON'T want to listen to Bieber?
Emma: Do NOT put Justin Bieber on!!
Amy: I won-
Emma: AMY!! DO NOT PUT JUSTIN BIEBER ON!!
Amy: *trying not to laugh* Fine, fine!! I'll just choose something different.
Emma: Amy...
Amy: I WON'T, ALRIGHT??
Emma: Good.
Amy: So what do you wanna listen to?
Emma: Anything.
Amy: Anything, yeah?
Emma: Yep.
Amy: I know, EXACTLY what to put on *clicks button*
Laptop: *guitar chord* WOAH-OOH-WOAH-AH WOAH OH OH *guitar chord*
Emma: NOOOOOOOOO!
Amy: MWAH HA HA HA HA!!
Emma; when I first hear it I cringe, but then the music starts up and I LOVE IT! IT'S SO WRONG BUT IT FEELS SO RIGHT!!
Amy: That's the power of the Biebs.

xXx