.

I wish i could be one of those girls
The ones who everyone wants but none will admit to wanting;
men consider her simultaneously not good enough for them and out of their league.

They’re the ones who stand out without trying
Effortlessly their hair just turns whatever colour
If they want to change something they change it
Impulsive. That’s the word.
They don’t worry like i do;
‘if i want it that RED i’d have to bleach it first and the bleach would kill the ends of my hair so then i’d have to cut it short and my face is far too round to have short hair and maybe my cheeks are too pink to have red hair and it’d look stupid maybe i should yeah i’ll just keep it the same'

My friends tells me often that i think too much
But that’s only because (i make the excuse that) i have too much time to think.

The last impulsive thing i did was write this poem.
That's not saying much, seeing as this line's now been re-written 5 times.
Nothing’s raw anymore
Nothing’s ever left to be what it was when it started

If i want to pierce my nose, i will.
I’d probably stop thinking about it so much if
i stopped asking for other people's opinions.
Next time i want to do something i think i’ll keep it to myself.
Then maybe JUST MAYBE I’ll actually do it.

I wish i could be one of those girls
Who don't say 'i want this but i can't have this'
they say 'I want this, ok, now it's mine'.
They see the world as theirs already
and their lives consist of convincing people that's the truth
and naturally other people
see the world as that way too;
"Well, yeah, it obviously belongs to you-
you go and do whatever it is you want to do."
They don't need to hear permission, but they always end up stealing mine.

...

Fuck it, i'm piercing my nose and dyeing my hair.

xXx