Happiness

The last three weeks have been blissful. I cannot remember the last time i felt this happy, and had so much love and appreciation for my life as it is.

And yet there is a slight feeling holding me back; I purposefully stop myself from getting too excited at the prospect of new opportunities and experiences, and have actively avoided telling people how happy I am.

You see, I have this really weird superstition which means I believe if I get excited about something, or am made happy by something, and then I begin talking about it to people, then that will jinx it, and from there on in it wont be amazing anymore, and nothing will work out the way I had hoped it will.

I know that this kind of reluctance to share is as stupid as the guilt I feel if I stay in bed past 10:30am. If I find myself still lying down at 10:30am I am wracked with guilt for the rest of the day, and push myself to do more things to make up for my laziness. Even though, really, I know it's not lazy; I'm a 21 year old student who has the opportunity to stay in bed 5 days a week for as long as she wants to. and that that kind of freedom is not going to last much longer- when I finish uni and finally get a job I won't be able to stay in bed for as long as i like. So in the same way I know it's stupid not to take advantage of my situation every morning, I know it's stupid to not want to tell people i'm happy when that's all I am.

The thing is, the last few months of Uni have been rough. And if you'd told me a month ago how ludicrously happy I would eventually feel then I probably would've laughed in your face! So I wanted to write this so that I cant hide behind my silly superstitions anymore;

I'm a very, very, very happy girl at the moment. I love my friends, I love my uni work, I love my Uni life, I love my home life, I love my family and I'm finally getting on with myself a bit better than I have been of late. And I know that by admitting happiness, I am not ridding myself of the right to be happy.

I know there are people out there who have been worried about me, and that they will read this and feel more content. That's not me being big headed- that's just my friends and family being so amazing that they care about me that much.

I don't really know what I was ever afraid of. Being 21 suits me just fine right now.

:)

xXx