(Sat at the table on Bob the laptop, desperately trying to be sociable. My phone is next to me, plugged in and charging, when it suddenly starts to buzz)
Me: OHH YEAAAH textual messages. I'm so popular right now. (I look at the phone. the screen is blank) Ah what?
Phone: Oh, er, jeez, this is awkward...
Me: Where's the text, phone?
Phone: Yeah, er, you haven't actually got one?
Me: But-
Phone: Yeeah, that noise, the *Bzzzzz* situation? It's just to let you know i'm fully charged.
Me: Oh.
Phone: Yeah.
Me: So...no one actually texted me?
Phone: Yeah. But that's not to say-
Me: So no one wants to talk to me?
Phone: Now, come on i didn't say that-
Me: No, what you said was perfectly clear, actually.
Phone: HEY. that's not fair. I just thought i'd let you know i was charged, it wasn't meant to be a-
Me: OH YEAH RIGHT!! You always do this, you always say that you're trying to help me out, when all you're doing is...getting my hopes up.
Phone: I do NOT do it on purpose! How dare yo-
Me (muttering): This is EXACTLY like last week with all those messages from Vodafone.
Phone: OH. OH i cannot believe you brought that up AGAIN. That wasn't my fault!
Me: You didn't have to sound so eager every time!! here i am, sitting here, bored and lonely and you're all "Hey, Amy, Guess who wants to talk to you? NO ONE!! just some multi-million corporation looking to squeeze another £5 out of you!"
Phone: We've spoken about this. I had no choice, i'm just doing my job-
Me: Yeah, i get it- 'you were only doing your job'
Phone: Listen, it's not my fault your friends don't like talking to you, ALRIGHT??
Me:...I can't believe you just said that.
(Silence. I pick up my phone and go to press the 'off' button)
Phone: Now.. No, Amy, come on... don't be like tha- AMY! DON'T!
(I switch my phone off)
------
(5 minutes later)
Phone: Switched me back on, then?
Me: Yeah, i realised i couldn't go on Snaptu if you were off.
....
You know sometimes i actually worry my head is so far elsewhere no one else will find it.
xXx
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