Panders pick up the phone

Someone's got to love them. Unfortunately that someone is me.

(At Keynes Bus Stop, Kent Uni Campus. I decide to phone Panders to see what escapades the crazy pair have got themselves into today. after 5 seconds i instantly regret my decision)


Me: Hey Ma! I was just phoning to sa-
Mum: Amy, are you outside?
Me: Er...Yeah...that happens to people sometimes you know? I mean, once you’ve figured out how to open a door you’re pretty much ther-
Mum: Why aren’t you inside?
Me: Wha-
Mum: It’s FREEZING.
Me: Yeah, I know that-I’m outside. That’s why I’m wearing my coat and gloves
Mum: What about your hat?
Me: Don’t start that up agai-
Mum: Why are you outside anyway?
Me: Wel-
Mum: Are you walking?
Me: No-
Mum: Are you by yourself?
Me: Mum-
Mum: It’s dark now Amy, it’s winter, it’s dark-
Me: I’m aware of the time of year Mu-
Mum: ANDREW! ANDREW!
Me: Mum, plea-
(I hear dad shuffle into the room)
Dad: What?
Mum: She’s outside.
(I hear Dad tut)
Me: Mum-
Dad: But it’s freezing!
Me: Dad-
Mum: Yes, I’ve told her that-
Me: Panders-
Dad: What’s she doing outside?
Mum: AND she’s by herself-
Me: HEY! OLD GUYS!* Less of the chatter, thanks. If you wanna know why I was outside let me bloody explain.
Mum: Fine. I’ll put you on speaker so your father can hear too
Me: Oh god...
Dad: Can you hear us, darling? Can you-
Me: Yeah, dad it’s fine-
Dad: CAN YOU HEAR US-
Me: YES DAD I CAN HEAR YOU!
Dad: Alright, calm down. Now, why are you outside?
Me: I went to the library to do some work, cos I didn’t get any done today- good huh? I’m making effort and everything!
(Silence on the phone)
Me: ...Panders? Did-did you not hear? Me with the healthy work ethic and everything?
Dad: You mean to do all the work you were supposed to have done today, yeah?
Me: Well...yeah, but at least I’ve gone back, right?
Dad: Well, actually, the idea is you go up early during the day, ACTUALLY work and then go back up in the evening to do MORE work
Me: ...I can’t win can I?
Dad: Well, ok, yes, it’s good that you’re trying; you just need to do it more-
Mum: Yes, and you shouldn’t be out on your own in the dark.
Me: I’m at a bus stop mum!!
Mum: That’s even worse!!
Me: (incredulous) WHAT?!
Mum: Are there any other people there? How many? Is it lit well? IS IT?!
Me: Mum, for the love of god, it’s a bus stop. YES there are people. There are about FIVE other people. And YES it’s well lit. It’s a bus stop, mum-
(She scoffs)
Me: And it’s an actual bus stop, with a shelter and everything, not like the Beccles one which is just a sign with a bench too high to sit on, it’s a bonafide bus stop.
Dad: Well, at least she’s not walking home in the dark-
Mum: You better not be walking home by yourself Amy. Amy? You’re not walking home by yourself are you? ...Amy? ...Amy?
Me: ...BUS. STOP.

xXx


*If you got the Men In Black reference there then Kudos.