Video Blog 3

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The Amyprentice

I was on The Apprentice today. Kinda. At work Gav said he had a special job for me to do- his motives are somewhat questionable sometimes so I was a bit apprehensive as to what this ‘special’ job could’ve been, but thought “Meh. Beat’s facing up”. The job was that he gave me a trolley stacked with stock and i had to sell as much of it as i could before my shift finished at 5- i started selling at 1. To start with i was absolutely mortified, which wasn’t helped by Ben, Georgia and Gav all hanging around trying to see how i was gonna go about doing it. I found it cringe-worthy to be standing there going “Hello, can i interest you in our special offers?” but Gav said he wanted to see how capable i was, so i persevered; First things first i felt the need to come up with a motto that would keep me going when even the old people looked at me judgementally- ‘WWSASD’ What Would Sir Alan Sugar Do?. Once this had been established, every time i felt a slight twinge of embarrassment i would shout at myself in my head “WWASD” and then all embarrassment would be replaced with an overwhelming sense of sales capability and pure London grit. I imagined Paula and Tilly behind the till to be Nick and Margaret- (it was hard, seeing as neither of them warranted the honour of being such a necessity in my now overtly Sugar-Laden world) and started trying to sell. At first i wasn’t very good, and was a bit mumbly, but after a while i started being more confident and had no problem at- apart from the fact no one wanted to buy anything. Well, i say that- i did sell some stuff to start with but mostly i just got looks of confusion and annoyance, and was repeatedly asked questions such as “Where’s a good place to buy postcards in Beccles?” and “Where are the nearest toilets?”. i felt like saying “I’m not bloody ‘Tourist Information’” but i figured just because i had now embraced the spirit of Sir Alan Sugar this didn’t permit me to become blatantly rude to people i didn’t know and so instead pointed them in the direction of both the Old lady who sells postcards in her little shop and also to the public toilets whilst praying to god that the old man who smelled like stale bread and spoke to my breasts wouldn’t confuse the two.

After an hour i really felt like my attempts to sell were falling flat on their Sugary arses. There’s a wonderful mental image. Anyway, i went to go find gav and tell him things were going a bit not good., but he told me to keep on it and move if i felt like i needed to- so i did. And i sold TONS. I WAS ON FIRE!!!! By the time my shift had finished i had 5 items of stock left, and had done myself proud. However, i was also absolutely shattered- so tired in fact that towards the end instead of saying “Can i interest you in any of our offers today?” i kept saying “Can i offer you any of our interests today?” and after my shift ended, as i was leaving, Ben gave me some baskets to put at the front of the shop and as he handed them to me i said “Would you like a bag?”. He simply smiled and said “I think someone needs to go home now” and i stumbled out of the shop, where i waited for 10 minutes for my dad to pick me up before remembering he was doing an SA and in fact wouldn’t actually get home until gone 6.

And that was first task on ‘The Apprentice’ complete- i’m hoping next week i’ll get to invent my own toy or choose merchandise to sell to buyers. Or maybe, just maybe, i’ll be put behind the tills for 4 hours straight, with no seating and an endless line of grumpy, smelly customers waiting to tell me i’ve packed too much into one bag and demand a bag for almost every item. If i’m lucky ^^

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I am not a fan of dogs.

See, this is why i prefer cats so much more to dogs.

our neighbours dogs have been barking now for about 3 hours- constantly. seriously, they have not let up. and he has 2 Alsatians and a Labrador; THESE ARE BLOODY LOUD DOGS. it's so annoying!!! Cats meow and riaow until you feed them, or fuss them and then they shut up!!!but dogs? oh no- dogs just don't stop.

AND my dad got bitten by a dog yesterday whilst on his postie round- the bloody thing has left puncture marks in the back of his legs. and the owner didn't even fucking care!! How ridiculous is that?! Dad said she just went "Oh no, don't do that" to the dog, but didn't come and get it- she just let it stand there biting my dad. stupid bitch. my dad's got all bite marks up his legs now, it's a joke.

I hate dog owners attitudes as well. they seem to get it into their heads that if their dog attacks you it's somehow your fault- a few years ago on my way to school i was walking past a man who was walking his dog and the dog suddenly went for and got hold of the sleeve of my jacket and started yanking at my sleeve and growling- i was terrified!! and then the bloke, once he'd gotten the dog to let go of me, had the nerve to say "Well, you shouldn't have walked so close to him- he tends to bite people" to which i replied "And you should have a muzzle on him, if you know he bites!How am i supposed to know he bites?! Read his mind?!" and he stood there going "It's not my fault" . Well i can't see how it was mine!! Oh, no, wait- i forgot; It's a cardinal rule that if you see a dog being walked you're not supposed to walk past it, you have to lie out a red carpet for it's owner and then wear and suit of steel so as not to come to harm. Utter Wanker.

Another thing that annoys me is when owners defend their dogs jumping up at people when they see them- i don't care how 'happy' he is to see me, he's knocking me the fuck over!! and i don't want some slobbering massive dog in my face!! they never call them off, they just stand their laughing. i just feel like getting some really wound up raccoon and just launching at them saying "Oh look- he likes you!!" whilst they get covered in scratches and raccoon-ness. dunno where i'd get a raccoon though. Particularly a wound up one- they seem pretty chill all the time...

I know that dogs can be lovely- guide dogs are the tits, lets face it. you give a blind person a cat and the cat would watch as they stumbled into a busy road before walking away to find someone to either fuss them or feed them. but you know- the good dogs can't shoulder the responsibility of their kind all their lives. Plus a lot of the time it's not particularly the dogs fault, but their pathetic owners. But all the same, i'm just not a fan. which is a shame really, because when i was a baby we had a dog called Sam, who was my dad's German Shepperd dog he'd had since he lived in London, and Dad said that we were inseparable, and Sam was really protective of me- but he was put down when i was 3, so i cant remember him at all. the photos of him and me make me smile though.

But still- idiot dogs. Stupid idiot owners.

Ok, rant over ^^
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Video Blog 2

Enjoy

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Homesick

If you’d asked me three weeks ago “Would you rather stay at Uni with everyone over the summer or go home?” I would have gone “Home. Can I go now, actually?” No doubt in my mind whatsoever.

But now? The former wins easy. I LOVE being at home, I’m having a fab time with my family and i love them to bits- but today I’ve been missing uni far far FAR more than i ever have done. I seriously just want to go back. So much is changing next year, it’s scary but it doesn’t make me want to go back any less. Home is lovely, but there’s hardly any freedom, i can’t go out if i fancy going out, none of my friends are back from uni for another few weeks, and some aren’t even coming back, and the worst one of all is that no one from uni is here. That’s the bit that’s getting me down the most- missing everyone. I didn’t think it’d last that long- i thought pretty much as soon as i got home i might stop missing them so much. I wouldn’t stop missing them entirely but maybe the missing them bit would dim ever so slightly. But all that’s happened is the feeling has gotten much worse, which sucks just so much. Work doesn’t help- i mean money wise “Yay!” but otherwise it’s just...well i shouldn’t complain really. I’d be complaining if i didn’t have a job that’s the annoying thing.

I don’t think le famille quite get it to be honest. They can’t seem to understand why i’d want to go back- particularly ma. I can’t really say to them how much i miss uni cos i really don’t want to hurt their feelings- i really do love being at home, and just because i want to go doesn’t mean i love being with them any less but it’s just so confusing. Today has been a very Coldplay day.

And the VERY worst part of it? I’ve been away for not even 4 full days yet. And there’s three months!!

Sigh.

They we go. Moany overtly emotional blog of the week is finished.

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The return to Scummerfield

Oh Somerfield. Whilst i do love to complain about your blight upon my summer you are giving me wonderful mons that i can then spend on seeing my university chums. God rest ye and all that serve in you. That's sounded very dirty then. Oh my.

Yeah, so it was ok. an 8 hour day isn't the worst i've ever done- that spectacular feat goes to the time i started at 7, finished at 7 and was only given a half hour break. Bad times. But anyway, yeah- twas good. I got to see everyone again ,which was lovely. I swear to god ben must've been high or something cos every time he saw me he threw his arms up in the air and screamed "AMY AMY AMY!!!!"- even though he'd been in since 6. Either that or he fancies me. Both are probable- the latter being the most believable. I mean, it's me right? PHWOAR.

So anyways, saw everyone again, started working again;

-Number of times i tripped over the till lock; 4
-Number of times i got a cut from various pieces of cardboard, paper or plastic; 3
-Number of times i got perved at by old men; 3
-Number of times i knocked over the biscuit display i spent 15 minutes doing; 5

It was a good day. The worst bit was when blokes kept looking at my chest and then when i would say "Excuse me, can i help you?" They'd pretend they'd been looking at my badge and go "Yes, er, Amy, is it?". It pissed me off something rotten but ah well- what does it matter? Old men get their jollies and i get to imagine kicking them so hard in their jollies they cry- whilst being paid ^^

The cardboard cuts are ridiculously painful, mind

I'm gonna finish watching Iron Man with Fozzotron and then maybe watch something else. tomorrow's my day off so i get to chillax and hang out with Dad, Fozz and Eli- gonna be epic.

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Best weekend EVER

I apologise in advance for the ridiculous size of this blog. It's ridiculous.

Ok, so the last few days have been HUGE. On Friday I had my last exam- Post War European Cinemas. It was only my wild module so I didn’t worry too much about revising for it. I failed EPICALLY, and left after an hour, but by that point i was past caring- me and Alex had planned an epic bout of drinking and going out and all i wanted to do was get crunk and forget the whole thing. I only had until Sunday morning to party as much as was physically possible because Beccles isn’t exactly fun city, or at least not in the sense of going out. I got to Alex’s, where we started watching Pulp Fiction (CORRRR!! film!!) and Tedworth joined us. I didn’t feel like I was getting crunk enough though, so I insisted we put on ‘Trapped in the Closet’. We watched it for a while but Ted wasn’t really into it and Alex couldn’t find the part that would get us most drunk so we decided to order pizza and play ‘Ring of Fire’. Needless to say, with just the three of us playing we got quite drunk and I ended up having to drink the King Cup. It tasted foul, but the lads let me take my time with it. I went and got changed (I looked AHMAHZING- believe me. Even I was stunned) whilst Alex and Ted started watching Live footage of Faith No More at Download; needless to say Alex spent most of this time revelling in his man love for Mike Patton whilst me and Ted argued over who was more Gangster, and which hometown was more hardcore. I started my by explaining about the crack den in Beccles and he told me about drug use back home; Alex zoned us out for the entire time and to be honest I can’t blame him- we were chatting utter shite.

We then left for The Venue, to meet up with Hannah and IT WAS EMPTY. We took a few stupid photos; I took photos of the security guards behind us and then Hannah and I had a little dance. We decided after about half an hour to just go to Mungo’s, which was considerably more packed and surprisingly the drinks were a lot cheaper. I started feeling very drunk and we had a big ol’ dance fest. At about 12 ish me, Hannah and Alex all sat down whilst Ted chatted up some young filly, and I asked Alex if I could have my camera, cos I thought I’d given it to him to look after. He said he didn’t have it, but I just assumed he was joking and trying to wind me up- it turned out he wasn’t. None of us had my camera, because I had left it in the Venue. I FREAKED. I ran straight to The Venue, holding back tears because the camera cost me so much money and I knew there would be no way i could get another one, and I knew if I had just left it somewhere it had probably been stolen by now- we’d left the venue a good couple of hours ago. I ran up to the security outside, thrust my stamped hand in their faces and pretty much wailed “IWASINHEREBEFOREANDIHADMYCAMERANOWIDON’THAVEMYCAMERAITHINKILEFT ITINHEEEEEEERE!!!!!” and they let me in to try and find it. By the looks on their faces they also thought the chances of me getting it back were pretty much 0%. I ran downstairs, and went to all the places i’d been in the venue, and then asked a security guard if he’d seen a pink camera. He told me to ask behind the bar in lost property but that he hadn’t heard anything. On my way to the bar i bumped into the security guard i’d been taking pictures of, who asked if I was ok- i told him that i’d lost my pink camera and he started to smile. He then said that he’d noticed I’d left it behind when we’d been sitting on the stools, and that his colleague had actually picked it up. I couldn’t believe it- i actually jumped up, tears welling and screamed “THANK YOU SO MUCH!!” and pretty much hugged him to within an inch his life. He went and got it, and I ran back upstairs and told the other security people I’d found it and they all cheered. Then I heard some even more exuberant cheering and saw that Alex, Hannah and Ted had followed me to the venue and were waiting for me- they couldn’t believe it either. As Ted put it, ever so quaintly, I was “the luckiest bitch alive”. Brillian . We tried to go back to Mungo’s but it was closing (at 12:30- ridiculous) and so instead we just went back to Alex’s because they all wanted some foodage. We sat about for a bit, chatting and generally being stupid. Ted accidentally called Beccles ‘Cockles’ and then ‘Sheccles’, which was very very funny, and then Hannah and Ted both went home. I stayed at Alex’s ‘til about 5 in the morning watching Firefly- which he LOVED as I knew he would- and Sea Lab 2021. All in all it was an absolutely epic night.


Saturday I went to sleep at 6am and was then woken up at 11:30 when my ma phoned me up thinking I had an exam to be woken up for. Despite the fact my exams had finished the day before and that it was Saturday. Which was great (!) I couldn’t go back to sleep afterwards, so instead got up and started hardcore packing away the rest of my stuff. This took me FOREVER and wore the bejesus out of me. I’d pretty much finished by 3 ish, and went to ArtsFest with Lypeatt & Co. It was the most utterly perfect last day I could have hoped for. We all just had such a laugh, sitting about getting drunk and chatting about the whole year. There was a big-band playing jazz and films theme tunes, and it was still warm, even when the sun was setting. I managed to hold off the tears until the fireworks display, but Hannah held my hand, Emma sat on my lap and Sophie came at put her arm around my shoulder and I just started sobbing. I couldn’t stop- it was just such a perfect end to what’s been the most amazing year of my life and I really didn’t want to have to leave. Everyone got a bit upset then, which wasn’t helped by Hannah and Emma going home, but we tried to go have a dance. It was really packed though, and I kept hitting accidentally hitting people with my bag! Me, Sophie, Alex and Ted ended up walking home, although I was quite drunk so I can’t really remember the walk home. I went back to Alex’s, where we had a really amazing talk about the first year and I started crying again. He cheered me up though, he always does. We watched some more ‘Sealab 2021’ and then some ‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’- I think it was the perfect send off to be honest, watching ridiculously funny shows until absurd hours of the morning. And so endeth my last day at University. Unfortunately its drunken end meant an absurdly hungover start to the next morning. But it was more than worth it ^^

Sunday came and Pandy arrived with Grandad George in tow at about 11:30. I was very hungover, but it didn’t matter too much. I said goodbye to the housemates of No8, and Connie and Emma had both come over at about 10 that morning in order to say bye. Everything was packed into the car, I took my keys and my internet cable back to Parkwood reception, and then went and took Alex back his old essays I’d borrowed. And then I was going home. I cried as we left campus; just thinking about it now is making me a bit teary. I’m just gonna miss being there so much- and as much as I’m excited to be living in a house with Laura next year at the same time it’s just not Parkwood. I then fell asleep as we left Kent, and woke up after what I thought was about 20 minutes when really it was about 2 hours and we were just outside of Blythburgh. We got home and instantly Millie was on me and Fozz and Kage were making me laugh far too much. I started getting really tired again and my throat was a bit sore and I was achey all over- twas not good. But I went and had a ridiculously long bath and then sat and had a cup of tea with Dad and I felt better

I’m back working at Somerfield tomorrow-yay. 11-7. Brilliant. Not looking forward to it, but hey it’s a job and the people are pretty kosher. It’s just the idea of work. And having to get out of bed when i don’t want to.

Me and Fozz have had a pretty awesome sauce day- I played Resident Evil for the first time EVER and although to start with I wasn’t very good I got the hang of it eventually- it was pretty epically good fun. AND I only screamed once! Go me! I proper got into it though!!I reckon next term I’m gonna be bugging Alex to let me play on it. I should practice, get REALLY good and then come back and open a can of Whoo-Ass on Fozz and Jacky Boy. :O PLAN. I then blasted some Tomb Raider out for about an hour- stick with what you know ^^

Fozz has been making me laugh almost constantly. Here’s an example of why;
Fozz on why X Box Live is brilliant;
“I went on GTA on X Box live round Eddie’s, and went into some American people’s game and just started cooking some fools (killing people) and ruined their game, and they started going [puts on whiny American accent] ‘What are you doing? Why would do that, man?’ and I just said ‘I can’t understand you’”

Beth came in and the first thing she said to me was “I had a dream your Dad was on fire” which was just typical. We then attempted to impersonate Seals for about 5 minutes before Fozz pointed out the noise we were trying to make it was what Sea Lions made. Vic and Eli came over to say hi- he has grown up so much in the last month its unreal!! He’s SO big, and just talking all the time! It’s brilliant. We just had a huge thunderstorm here, and as a result Vic, John and Eli don’t have any power in their house, so Vic and Eli are coming here to stay tonight which should be interesting!! Seriously, it was huge. I’m off now though- gonna go get a cup of tea and chillax for a bit with Ma- She has a huge HUGE phobia of thunderstorms so she’s a bit shook up at the minute so I’m gonna go take of care of er9ui8- sorry; Millie just walked across my keyboard!!! I meant ‘her’. I am actually gonna have to go now she’s climbed onto my chest and is using my breasts as a rudimentary shelf. Brilliant. S’laters y’all

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